Saturday, September 10, 2005

Savage Garden is gay

Did I mention I played golf two days ago?
Of course when I say golf, you'd expect blue sky, peaceful green, birds emitting harmonious melody and a warm breeze of spring.
What you didn't keep into account, is my fear of killing someone innocent. When I say I played golf, you'd expect me to KNOW how to play golf. You'd expect some decent skills.
Access denied.
I suck in the game. Truly, madly, deeply.
Knees slightly bent, you stare at the ball, your arms goes up. You get 2 seconds of silence. Then using all your might in your nuts you twist your waist and swing like tarzan's dick, gathering this hope to see the ball soaring high in the air.
Only to realise that the ball was still there. The only thing that moved was your friend, taking cover. And the creation of a large hole in the ground, which you quietly whistled past.
Repeat that process for 58 times. That's golf for me.
There's only once that my ball actually went into the direction of the sky. It went straight, but the wrong direction.
And of course I lost the ball forever.
Comments from my friends:
1.It's ok, at least the ball's moving. 2.Ey, looking goo-oops! 3.Hey, getting bette-aaarrgh! 4.SHIT! 5.It's fine, it's fine. 6. Hahahaha!
Towards the end we're joined by this two Ah Beng. (they were driving the bugey, these ugly filthy lazy rich people.)
And suddenly I thought I was back home in Malaysia. Because they were freaking speaking Hokkien!
Eh, gia wa eh PUTTER lai. Ghin eh! Aiya, Cheeeee bai! Lu pah seng la. Giu leh? Kua Giu! Kam lan eh jin eh.*
Really, I'd like to see Malaysians in the PGA. It'd be great to see them getting interviewed, or at least interacting with other people.
On liao? Jin eh on liao? Wa eh tao mo an zua? Sui boh?**
LAN JIAO! Ghan ni ma eh! Lai lah!***

* hey, give me the putter. Faster! Ah, cunt! You go first. Where's the ball? Look at the ball! This sucks, really.
** is this on? Really on? How's my hair? Good?
*** PENIS! PENIS! Screw your mum! Come on!