Sunday, November 13, 2005

Alien monologue

Hi. My name is Pamu. I live in a distant planet call Viba. Planet Viba is not that far away from Earth. It takes 2 hours to get there on my dad's Airchine. We go there sometimes.
Yesterday we went there to look at Earthlings. We took the HuPert (Human Expert) tour. It's cheaper and we got to stop by Planet Orgi to witness their annual matings before Earth.
I hate tours. The tour guide always keep talking and scratching and spitting and twitching. It's sad that they talk crap for a living.
We couldn't actually go to Earth itself. That'd scare the Nork out of them. So we had to hide at this satellite they'd call the moon.
We arrived an hour earlier and took our seats. Because there's certain time they'd come out of their 'workplace' and go home.
I bought some Popstroids. Damn they're expensive on the moon. Stupid zacking tourist attractions.
I got a complimetary drink from the tour though. But I felt cheap going up to the crater and ask for a free drink.
We waited for sometime. It started raining comets but we're not going to move unless we see some humans.
The old lady next to me bought a Starlight Poncho.
And then someone shouted: THERE! And we all stare around. Everyone was silent yet excited.
Humans are like 5 ft tall in general. That's so tiny and cute.
Apparently it's been a million year ritual for them to hunt/work for food before going home in groups.
Some came up early. Some late. Depending on the weather. Some would wait longer if it's too bright at one side of the earth.
I borrowed papa's mindoculars. The mind reading function was kinda faulty but we could still see pretty far.
I aimed at this island called Ohstralia. I'm not sure of the translator's accuracy as the software was two generations old.
It says Flip Island in Meboon, Ohstralia. Apparently some humans didn't need to work like the others.
They were going on a trip to Flip Island to look at Peegooins, some species that will end up hunting and eating them in 10 years time, according to papa's research.
I tried the Mindread button on this fat and funny looking guy.
The indicator said he was thinking: So after millions of years we human fought and evolved just to look at how penguins hunt for their food and go home. What the fuck.

Papa laughed when I told him that. He said the mindoculars must be broken. Humans are too dumb to realise that, papa said.
We went home after that. I couldn't sleep on my way back. The tour guide put on some planet hunting documentary waves.