Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Baby tomato was slacking off. Papa tomato squashed baby tomato and said: Ketchup!

Went to Philip Island a couple of days ago.
We were in the tourist centre cafeteria, 48 minutes before the first penguin would emerge from the broken waves.
I was eating my beef & mushroom pie. It came with fries. And some ketcup in a packet so small as if you'd find caviar in it.
And so I wondered. What is the purpose of ketchup? Why is it invented? Who came up with the idea: ketchup?
To add taste in our food? Fine. Then what is the purpose of potato fries then? Why are they made so bland?
If we find fries tasteless, why don't we just cook some delicious fries instead of putting ketchup all over them? You know, we could make tomato or chili flavoured fries.
Wouldn't that save a lot of packets and bottles?

What's wrong with human nature that craves wet slimy thick flavoured sauce to go with anything we eat?
And why only tomatoes? Why can't we use other fruit jam to go with fries? Who was the first person who actually wrote it down on paper: k..e.t.ch..u.p.. on..ly.. wi..th.. f.ri..e.s... and made that rule into the constitution? So dominating the ketchup people.
I've seen people eating fries with mayonaise or 'sour cream', but that's just a small rebellion against the vast army of ketchup.
Plus white slimy cream makes it worse.

I do sense a conspiracy. Like all the potato farmers, restaurants and manufacturers have to sign a contract with Heinz inc.
'Must have a ketchup or we will capture a female from the tribe once a day. Will take one third of their land as well.'
(Sorry was watching Kurosawa's Seven Samurai yesterday. Mind is still filled with peasants planting crops and all.)
Which makes me wonder, how was ketchup discovered?
Is it a coincidental thing that Mr. Heinz just happened to drop his fries on a bowl full of squashed tomatoes, or there was actually a full on R&D for 'the sauce to go with fries'.
Maybe they had homeless people sitting there in the lab eating them all. Mustard? Nope. Grapefruit? Nope. Curry? Nope. Plum? Nope. Tomato? Mmm. wait. lemme taste that again.
Oh yes. One more. Mmm mm. That's the shit! We're gonna produce lots of tomato sauce!

Just when I was getting excited, the penguins were about to arrive. I cleared my plates and we made our move.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is: Why do those bastards give us so little ketchup? Stingy pieces of shit.