Monday, January 31, 2005

It's getting hot in here...

To whoever that listens to Canto-pop (that excludes all my banana friends and John), I'm not sure if you've heard Alex To's 脱掉. Translation: Take it off.
Below are the translated lyrics of the first verse (can't bring myself to translate the whole song):

(english) Yeea! 2004! Summer time Baby! Heat it up y'all! One! Two! One Two Three!

(chinese) Take off your jacket! Take off your jacket! Take off your sweater! Take off your sweater! Take off your mask! Take Off! Take off your attitude! Take off! Take off everything, take it off! Off! Off!

Get it? Now this is the bridge:

(english) This ain't about Sex. It's about Love. And if you can feel it, let me hear you say NANANANANA NANANA NANANA NANANANANA (chinese)TAKE OFF EVERYTHING!


Still hanging there? Second bridge:

(english) Haha, I don't know about you. But I'm feeling good. If you can feel it too, show me what you got NANANANANA NANANA NANANA NANANANANA (chinese) TAKE OFF EVERYTHING!

And I thought rap is crap.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Dinner Conversation

A few years ago, my medical student cousin came for dinner.

Dad: Wah, so now second year already. How?
Him: Not not good loh. If got study got pass, no study no pass.

(Bro and I:Duh.)

Mom: So you got study how to make medicine and stuff too ar?
Him: A bit bit there here la. But not as much as the pharmists*.

(Bro and I dropped chopsticks.)

Dad: So when you going back to India?
Him: Propabable** in two week.
Bro: Hey you know what's influenza?
Him: (Thinking) Hmm, I'll have to check on that. Japanese cars nowadays got lot.

(silence.)

We continued eating.


* I think he wanted to say PHARMACISTS
** He definitely meant PROBABLY

Friday, January 21, 2005

Jogging Scene

X and I went jogging. We saw an ex-classmate, Britney.

X : Oh! Britney!
Me : Oh! Boobies!

(Wave to her)

X : Wah, long time no see she lost weight already. I think lots of girls'd like to have her figure.
Me : Beyonce (another ex-classmate) also have the same type of figure what. Tall, slim. A bit big thigh only.
X : That one imagine her face I cannot stand already.

Both: Haaahahahahahhahahahahahahaaahaha~~!

Friday, January 14, 2005

Your teeth are CHEE BYE BLACKOUT!

Due to the impotence of my previous dentist, I ended up in another dentist's electrical chair, getting a lot of my teeth filled.
How many you ask? Well, till the extent that I felt like I was doing sit ups just by getting up from the chair to rinse and gargle.
If you're wondering if it hurt, let's say I'm really happy that humans do not have an extra set of teeth around the anus and I'd never have to take care of them and have an anal dentist drilling my ass.
After the unbearable drilling, just before he started the filling part, the southern part of Malaysia went through an electricity blackout.
And there I was, sitting on a chair with holes around my teeth, listening to the dentist (can't see due to the blackout) telling me to re-schedule and go back the next day.
I spent a day with friggin HOLES. IN. MY. TEETH!

Dentists are most likely to commit suicide compared to any other professions, according to some survey I heard long ago.
I am not surprised at all.
Firstly, they wear a mask. Only criminals and super heroes wear masks. People only wear masks when there's something to hide. Or they're just plain ugly.
Next, people are AFRAID of them. You see the extreme people claiming 'oh I like bungee jumping/ free falling/ sky diving' but nooo, you'd never hear anyone say 'yeah I like going to the dentist man! '
Any swear words and the word 'dentist' are highly compatible. Always.
They look at nothing but our teeth. As much as we're clueless of our dentists' face, they do not give shit about ours. They remember us by our teeth. 'Oh, hi Mr. Right-bottom-6, how are you today?' They judge us by the appearance of our teeth. If your gum looks like stale salmon, no dentist would date you. Ever.
Finally, their job is noble, yet they are not appreciated due to the reasons above. But what am I talking about? They have a starting pay of 56K a year. Fuck that shit.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Vijay Singh lost the Mercedes Cup


Shit! Who didn't use deodorant??!!

Anyway, I was at Stephen's 21st birthday party last friday at The Pub, Shangri-la Hotel.
Always wondered what the hell does Shangri-la mean.
Turns out to be 'Sun and moon in the heart'.
Redundant, yet unique (that's what they always say).
Back to the party, filled with people looking cool chatting and catching up and drinking while smoking.
Worst part is, I don't smoke and I coudn't talk much.
Best part: I did not know most of them.

I was in KLCC before heading over to the hotel.
Still, Kinokuniya is the only decent bookstore in the whole of KL.
Yet the mentality of the staff in Malaysia will always be the same.
Of course, that is another story to tell.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Haahahaahahaaaha


Hey nurse, you sure this is the right way?
Stay calm sir, we're getting you to the hospital anyhow.

Monday, January 03, 2005

X and Snake(right)


X: See? I told you snakes have assholes too.

Cannot go in la


You think it goes well with cheese and wine?

I live beside a mosque.
Just now after sending off a friend, X was driving me home.
And then we both saw something on the middle of the road.
At first we thought it was some plastic bag, or damaged rubber, you know, usual stuff to appear on a Klang highway.
Of course, it turned out to be a motherfucking python.
Damn big and scary under the shadow I tell you, walao!
So we decided to make a big u-turn and see it again. And again.
Ok I admit la, in the end we went home, took our shotguns and shot the bugger for at least 26 times.
Did I say shotgun, I meant digital camera.
It's like a once in a lifetime thing, how many times can you see a snake beside a road?
Laugh as you might, but while we're taking photos I can see faces of envy and jealousy of the drivers in the cars passing by.
And we get to poke the snake. It's like mince meat stuffed in extra thin textured strawberry flavoured condom.
Don't ask me why la, I'm just guessing what.


Don't take drugs


The pain.

You see it in the newspapers, you hear advices.
You say to yourself "Just for once, what's the big deal?"
Over and over again.
Now I wake up in pain every morning, can't even hold a toothbrush properly.
The pain when the needle enters my flesh.
I see colours and movements on TV but don't know what the fuck is going on with the microwave.
My throat is so dry it's like filled with sea salt.
Feel so hungry but just don't have the appetite.
Tiredness attacks me like a horny dog making love CONSTANTLY to the master's leg.
And I just ask myself: Why? Why did I go for the medical check up?
Yea, the bruise is normal after the stupid doctor injected the super ma chao hai big needle into my arm. And he said: wa, your arm so fat can't see your veins...
Doctor nowadays quite humorous I tell you.
What? Who said I took drugs?