Monday, February 28, 2005

Thank God. Or something like that.

O Week's over. It's my second week of uni, and fuck no I haven't unpack my apartment. And no I did not get underwears thrown at me with phone numbers written on them.
Another year, another O-week, another batch of freshers with extra work, extra smiles and extra exhaustion.
I said it last year, I'm gonna say it again: We might as well call ourselves the fresher whores.
Sometimes I wonder if all the tiredness and ass kissing is worth it.
I said sometimes. Most of the time, I still think this year's O week kicked arse and the freshers are better looking.
And of course, occasionally we get to throw shit at freshers and make them eat dirt.

Alas, life goes on.

I'm now no longer an O-weeker, freshers do not pay respect to me no more. Now I'm Harvard the fat senior.
I was running around trying to settle my electives and renew my health care and my course mates are still monkeys who can't even peel bananas.
Ah, summer.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Happy Chinese New Year 2005.


Bondi beach. 17-11-2004.
Girls at the corner are nude.
C'mon I'm sure this picture is better than crap ang pows and red crackers.
Right? right?? right???

Dinner Conversation Part II

Come to think of it. It was reunion dinner 2004.
My big family, which consists of 3 small families were in a typical 'flied lice' chinese restaurant.
We were talking about the same usual weather jay chou nonsense.
Like 'Wah nowadays weather very hot!'
Or 'Wah new year the mandarins are quite expensive!'
Maybe ' Hey Harvard this year got girl friend or not?'
And out of nowhere my cousin said:

Wah the air very polluted nowadays. The particulars* are quite harmful. Can get lung cancer one you know.

(Silence.)

Luckily the dishes arrived. And the whole family kind of moved on to the next topic while my brother pinched my thigh so that the both of us couldn't laugh out loud.

Alas, peace was a short term luxury we shared, because 5 dishes later, my father was pissed drunk.

Dad: (hic) Heeya couzen~! Confidence do yoou have to (hic) paash your esham this time*?
Him: (shit coloured face) Aiya, other people how I don't know. But I find that the exams are quite easy loh.**
Dad: But one (hic) thing I'm not sure there is.
Him: Haha. Uncle, you got health problem want to ask me is it? What question you have?
Dad: ONE DAY WHEN YOU HAVE A FAT PATIENT, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TELL THEM TO LOSE WEIGHT WHEN YOU YOURSELF ARE SHOOOO FAT?????

(Utter silence.)

My toes can feel my face because my jaw dropped real low.
My brother nearly poke his nostrils with his chopsticks.
It was one of those moments you'd wish you have a DV to record and play it over and over and over and over again.



* PARTICLES. Pah-tee-culs.
** I realized I turned my father into a Yoda with speech impediment.
*** He said the same thing after his SPM. His aggregiate was 33.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Shizzle my nizzle? No?

This happened really long ago. Say, 5 years, at least.
There was a gathering in my high school in Klang.
For what I couldn't care less. Must've been some talk show about education or how to flush your baby down the toilet in case you get pregnant before eighteen.
Anyway, the host was enjoying himself, because he totally ignored the audience, and vice versa.
There's this part of him and four volunteers on stage.
He asked, "Do you enjoy learning in school?"

I'm not sure about the other three, but I remembered specifically one girl. THE girl who walked up and said:

To learned and to practise what is learned time and again is pleasure, is it not? To have friends come from afar is happiness, is it not? To be unperturbed when not appreciated by others is gentlemanly, is it not?

And the hall went: Hah?
That was the first verse, first chapter of Confucius' Lun Yu, if you don't know.

I really couldn't understand the mentality. What could she be thinking when she's answering that question? What was she trying to prove? Isn't that answer the same with the word 'Yes'? Then why can't she say 'Yes'? Do people actually get self satisfactory out of that? Out of THAT? Sheeeez.

Well, here's one from confucius too, chapter one, verse three
:

Clever talk and a pretentious manner are seldom compatible with the benevolent.

Take that, bitch. Wherever you are now.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Dinner Conversation Part II - Prelude

We were on our way to another dinner.
My brother and I in the back, mom in front, dad driving.
We (bro and I) were once again figuring the chances of our cousin's possibility of graduating as a doctor. (Note: the last sentence did not have a grammar mistake. He actually needs a chance to obtain a POSSIBILITY to pass and graduate.)

Bro: The thing is, even if he DOES graduate, how's he going to find a job? Our country recognize that Muffin Pau University meh?
Me: It's MANIPAL University.
Bro: Whatever, if not recognized he's screwed. Can't even be a GP.
Me: He can be a pharmist* what.
Both: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!

Me: Actually he's quite fat you know.

My father snorted. I think that meant: you want to know what's really fat go look at that mirror you parasiting piece of shit.

Bro: Ya, ya, ya! Wah you notice the way he eats everytime? When we breathe he eats; we eat he breathes. Like the zombies in those Resident Evil movies. Wahh (shivers.)
Me: I dunno how's he going to tell his obese patients to lose weight when he's a doctor. It's like MiniMe saying you're short.
Bro: Or a KNN** fugly person saying you're not good looking and should go for plastic surgery.
Both: HHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAA!!

Our dad finally cannot stand it anymore. As you may or may not know, my father's a conservative guy. He's the ultimate 'Uncle Wang' to his friends. Never talk bad about people. Never bribe policemen. If his friends cheat on their wives, he'll talk to them (dunno if they actually listen to him). That kind of a guy.

Dad: Oei you two enough la! Say until people like that! At least he got the will to be good! At least he's trying to contribute to society. Look at you two, everyday sleep eat shit. I raise a piece of BBQ Pork also better than you two @#*&@! ...

Silence.

Dad continued driving.

*see Dinner Conversation post. January 26, 2005.

** Kan Nin Ne. Hokkien. If you don't understand, stay that way.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

My pores open slowly...

Being kay-poh and all, just now I went reading other people's blogs.
You know, link after link after link. And I just realised one thing:
Bloggers are all bragging, bitching self centered single cell organisms.

" Wah I can sleep at 6am and wake up for lunch."
" I hate my mom because she doesn't like me and I feel ashamed of her when we go out."
" The incredibles are so INCREDIBLE."
" I'm old. I'm 20. How. How. How?"

Mah smelly shoes! Oklah, I admit I complained about stuff, but I usually complain about something special aka taking photos of snake beside road, not talking trash about how other people should treat me or any insecurities of having saggy boobs.

If I want to listen to your nagging and bitching I can watch The Bold and The Beautiful, or some Japanese/ Korean dramas. Or through the window at my neighbours. I DON'T FRIGGIN NEED TO LISTEN TO YOUR UNCREATIVE MEDIOCRE BARKING!

Of course, I do realise that if I don't like it, I don't have to read them. Hmm... I do sound like a self centered bragging nagging sagging ......

But come on... " I feel crap because I didn't buy that LV bag" ???
Certainly there's something more interesting to write other than that.