Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Happy Birthday Vincent

Hi, nice to meet you. You can call me Quadro.
I've been living in an apartment for almost a year now. My friend Vincent takes care of me. And my mates. It's not that difficult since we're motionless and do not require much food and entertainment.
You see, the sole purpose of my life is to be sat on. Over and over again.
I've seen lots of asses throughout my life. Tiny frog asses, big asses, and BIG-ASS asses. Ass that reminded me of melons, reminded me of a marshmallow, and asses that reminded me of the Universe.
No, no, no. Please stay. I'm fine talking about asses. I mean, it's my job. I'm here just to share a day of my life.
You see, yesterday was Vincent's birthday. He invited lots of friends over for a pot luck dinner.
So people brought food, refreshments, and some other things I wouldn't consider as food. Still, people eat them out of courtesy.

Everyone was talking while the TV and radio were blasting a mixture of Who Want's to be a Millionairre and awful Canto Pop songs.
And then I saw this fat guy. The same guy who brought cheapskate take away dumplings for the pot luck.
Obviously he was bored. He looked around. Started refilling his glasses. Talked to some random people, most of the time asking them to give way. He talked to this girl without even getting to know her name. He must be attached. In the end he settled on carving Vincent's roast lamb for the whole room.
You're wondering: Why am I talking about this guy. Because:


Now, my friends and I. We're made to be sat on. Vincent arranged us in a way so that people would sit on us. But noooo, all these mammals do is making us hang on to their jackets and handbags.What are we? Freakin clothe hangers? And where do they sit? On. The. Floor.
It's an insult I tell you. To me and all my mates.
These people, especially the girls. Do they even realise some of them are showing 'Grand Valley' cleavages while they're sitting down? Worse still, do they realise how EASY it was for the rest of the world to admire and appreciate them? I've seen at least three guys, walking past this girl and all stopped to tie, untie and tie their shoelaces.
Society nowadays. I don't get it. People dressing up as golfers to a birthday party. Guys are like vultures circling around food, then girls. Conversation so lame they have to talk about other people's lives. And most of all, chairs like me were bought to be displayed instead of being sat on like how it was written in the manual.

Gheez, really. I feel like an IKEA whore.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Stuff the chocolate egg into the bunny

Intellectuality and common sense, people mix them up.
Reading something off the book and take it off as your opinion, that's common sense.
But making something everyone knows and turn them into something interesting, that's intelligence.
I don't know why people still fascinate about what they don't know. We surround ourselves around Medical students and dentistry students, listening to how our own body works, or how high their entrance scores are when we can actually get the same knowledge off the books.
And let's face it, we don't know because we don't care. If we cared enough we would've studied Medicine ourselves.
Here's the question: Why do we still cater to their egos and let them think they're so damn special and respectable?
Because they handle people's life? Because they're smart, hardworking? Because of their nerdy bullet proof glasses?
I can think of another 10 professions which meet the same criteria, but they're still not well respected.
And through all my life, I've only met ONE doctor whom I actually thought cared about my health more than his time or my money.
So for this easter holiday, here's for you to think about:
Why do we constantly take shit from these medical students and let them think that they are more superior than others?

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Look who's with stupid

There's always something you value so much, and wanted them so badly you can't imagine your life without them.
Until the moment you acquire them without much effort, you sort of lose the respect or admiration of them.
For instance, a relationship. Or The Matrix Revolutions.
Or, a Mensa membership.
If you're asking me what's a Mensa, clearly you do not mingle around the right circle. Yet you can always visit
www.mensa.org/info.php and check it out.
Yea, so I scored 156. So did my friends X and Claws, who took the test with me together. Congrats to them as well.
Maybe because most Malaysians are dumb, therefore it's easier to achieve the 98th percentile compared to countries like Jamaica, or Lithuania and Singapore.
Actually I still can't accept a person like me who does nothing (but play with ideas, build castle in the sky, watch strange movies, play heaps of PS2, read crap books, no taste in clothing, sleep a lot) would qualify as a Mensa member.
Felt like celebrating after receiving the results, so I ordered Intersection last night.
Hmm, seems like I'm not smart after all.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

I'd like my balls to be held by the Paris Hilton

Caught Wimbledon on DVD yesterday.
I don't know if it's because I'm down on a fever, but it's awful.
Maybe because I'm just old, but please don't fuck with the audience anymore.
And you can never have sex before a match! It's common sense.
At the same time, PLEASE spare me the cheesy lines and plots as old as the Sega Megadrive.
Oh, my father can't find out about us, or the metaphorical comet that signifies our love, or your German gay friend.
And the most important thing, posh and successful women never fall in love with losers in real life.
The only good thing about the movie is the art direction of the opening credits, which, is also an imitiation of a print advertisement during the 90's.
In short, no surprise, no excitement, no arousal or erection.
Just a movie about a place.

Saturday, March 19, 2005


Nya nya nya nya nya nya nya (high pitch voice)
Lalalalala, lalalalala, lalalalala.
Liao liao liao~ liao liao liao~

Such is life.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Wrist-slashing is the new black

Alright, it's difficult to get a girlfriend.
I fully understand that. It took me 20 years to get one.
Once you find someone that has the slightest interest in you, you cling on to that person like how Japanese girls cling on to their Loius Vuitton handbags, which to me, look all the same.
And once you find this abstract thing call love, it's difficult to let go.
When you get abandoned, the world is grey, all the food you eat taste like rubber, and for the first time, porn disgusts you.
You know it's serious when you're not excited over porn no more.
What you don't realise is, maybe. Just maybe, you can live without a partner for the rest of your life.

OR! OR ELSE!! You can threaten your girlfriend that if she doesn't come back, you'll slash your wrist and shove a pair of chopsticks up your nostrils so that they'll poke though your eye balls.

Apparently, it's a trend. I've heard at least 3 cases like that for the past couple of months. And women, YES, women actually give in to that kind of shit. They're so afraid of the guys' well being that they don't bear to see them suffer, even if they feel like humping a seedless watermelon more than these poor vulnerable fragile minded guys.

Get. The. FUCK. Out of here.

Look. If any of you gals are reading this(which I think would be none coz no one reads my blog anyway), they don't have the balls to do it. If they're really suicidal, they won't tell you. If they've lost hope, then they'd acknowldege the fact that the world doesn't care. What they're doing is a reverse pyscho-analytical emotional blackmail. And they KNOW you'll give in, because well, I HOPE you're kind and warm hearted. If you really don't give a shit about that guy, you wouldn't have red this far. Now how do you get yourself out of this puddle of shit? Well, I can only give some advice:

1) If you're really sure the relationship is more like a 'relaying bitch', tell your parents or family. or,
2) Tell HIS parents or family. or,
3) Tell the police, and paramedics, and the press. or,
4) All of the above. Then you tell him. or,
5) Counter attack, tell him you'll KILL YOURSELF if he keeps on threatening you like that.
6) If all else fails, tell him it's a fucking good idea to die and you shall join him by taking sleeping pills together. He goes first, of course.

Come on, guys. I know finding that person and then losing her is nipple piercing, but is she more important than your own LIFE?
If she is, they why the fucking hell are you making her life miserable by wrecking the shit out of it with your nonsense threatening?

But of course, if you think it's more than common to slash your wrist, be my guest. Yet ask yourself, do you remember any one of those people who commited suicide for love? Exactly my point.
Here's a suggestion though, next time when you try to threaten her, tell her you will leave a death note that says: SHE DIDN'T KILL ME. I SWEAR SHE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY DEATH.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Pasar malam still cheaper

I am taking Popular Music & Society as a subject this semester.
It's not my first choice, and I had to gave up Japanese 1.
Nevertheless I can still get some interesting facts, like:

The breakdown profit of music CD*:

Retail price: $29.95
LESS retailer margin: $10.10
Wholesale price $19.85
LESS GST: $ 1.90
LESS mechanical royalty: $ 1.61
LESS packaging deduction: $ 4.51
LESS artist/producer royalty: $ 2.57

Gross Profit $ 9.36

So for every CD they sell, the record company earns 9 dollars. It's not that much compared to pirated vendors. Just that when we buy original CDs, we are feeding the rest of the world.

*I think this applies to Australian CDs