Friday, September 30, 2005

No, if a siamese twin is involved it's not a threesome anymore.

I was trying to explain the term 'going down'. Don't ask me why. It's just some stages of life you have to go through.
Explaining specific English terms to other people, is one of them.

The 'going down' I was trying to explain, was of course, the sexual one. For instance, to quote one of my reading text: 'Get me a cat and show me how you can milk it and I'll go down on you.'
But then, the person couldn't understand.
She asked me about gender and receptor.

There and then I realized how globalized and liberalized the world has turned out to be: I can't even explain oral sex in one go.
It used to be a common thing. When I say 'going down', it automatically means fellatio. It means a woman performing oral sex on a man. Going down = Happy man. Easy.
But noooo, nowadays it's so freakin sophisticated. A man can 'go down' on a woman, a woman can 'go down' on a woman, a man can 'go down' on a man. It could be fellatio; it could be cunnilingus.
Heck you can even 'go down' on a monkey if you want.
If I'm 'going down' on you, it means that I'm the performer, and you're the receptor. Quite technical you see.
Just shows that excessive globalisation brings more effort to define specific terms. Even the dodgy ones.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I was here when you're parking your car!

Went to La Porchetta for lunch today.
It's been a while since I had their Porchetta original Pizza. Some Italians once told me it was the most authentic Italian pizza you can find in Melbourne. While I've heard some Malaysians told me that it was the worst pizza they've ever tried: "Aiya don't like it lah, what meat is this, don't taste like Hawaiian also!"
Then, again, what is authenticity?
Like, from where I'm from, Klang, we make the best Bah Kut Teh*. People come from all over the country just to sample our BKT.
And sometimes, I'm forced to bring my relatives/friends from far to have a sample of our precious BKT.
The thing about eating BKT, is the effort of getting it. You don't just walk in to a random store and order away.
You have to drive, park, walk, wait, observe, signal the waiters, give warning to the people trying to steal your seat, order, wait, and only after an hour you'd probably get to sink your first bite.
What pisses me off most of the time, is that after all that effort my relatives/friends would say: Yerr, I don't like it. I think KL BKT is better. More authentic. This lot lice** one.
At times like that, I really wish I'd squeeze the chili padi's into their eyes and stuff the clay pot handle up their nostrils.
After being warned by my parents a couple of times, I realised it's not that Klang BKT that's not good. It's just that their taste buds've been screwed over. They've gotten used to crap KL BKT.
Pretty much sums up what's happening around. It's all about adaptation. We've been eating Pizza Hut and Domino's all our lives, when finally being served an actual Italian pizza, we criticize it.
We drink Starbucks, we breathe McDonald's, we even pray to the almighty Egg Chiffon with BBQ Pork. Yet, if we eventually taste an actual Cappucchino or Steak Burger, or an egg chiffon from Hong Kong. Who's to guarantee that we'd like it more?
So the bottom line is, authenticity is a blur. And, if you don't like Klang BKT, don't fucking ask me to bring you there next time.
Lot lice, lot lice. Lot lice dun eat lah!

*Bah Kut Teh literally translates Meat Bone Tea. It's a gluttonous broth of different herbs and spices cooked with pork, mushroom, lettuce, bean curd etc. Often served with rice. Goes well with Chinese tea and fried dough, hence the name.
* Lot Lice: Not Nice.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

What's a holiday?

Holiday is:
Waking up at 9.30am to have breakfast and going back to sleep.
Waking up at 12.30pm to have lunch and going back to sleep.
Waking up at 3.48pm to switch to the left side of the bed.
Wasting time and don't feel guilty about it.

Holiday is:
Boring. Nya nya nya nya nya.
Having a better time than the rest, and feeling proud of it.
Ignoring that ball tingling sensation that you're gonna freak out at the amount of work you have 2 days before uni starts.
The time to make fun of other people who still needs to do work .

Kids with beard are cute.


Insect-like battleship? Where?

Another film by Hayao Miyazaki. I never got used to his Japanese name. Coz we always call him Gong Qi Jun, Gong Qi Jun!(宫崎峻). So when people said: hey let's go watch Hayao Miyazaki!
I went: Har? Who the hell is that?
Anyway, if you don't know, he made Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Totoro and the lot that makes a normal girl scream: sooooooooooo cute! Kawaiiiiiii~*
Miyazaki has the ability to make bizarre things look so common. Most of his work contains really random and strange stuff: identical pretty boy slaves, huge blobs that wear tiny hats etc. Yet, he managed to convince the audience that such things are normal and we should take it as part of our lives.
While watching the movie you'd probably go: Hey that's cool! Wow I wish I have that dog! Ouch that've had hurt. But coming out from the cinema, you'd probably say: That's bullshit man! Only a kid will fall for that. That's stupid!
What, you saying I'm a kid? Piss off! What, what, what? Oh candy. Yum yum yum. Anyway, where was I?
The thing about all Miyazaki's work, is that they attract both adults and kids. His movies are not your usual 'Disney la la-land' shit. There're always some hidden meanings behind all that.
Believe it or not, US and UK fans treat his movies as arthouse.

At least go and relive the 2D experience. Let the God of animation show you that the world is not all CGI and 3D.
Surprising fact No.3: Takuya Kimura was the voice actor of Howl. I didn't know that until the ending credits. Just a fact.

* I really can't stand those girls anymore. I mean, yes they're cute. But gimme a break. Totoro was nearly 20 years ago. Enough of those peace signs too. Feel like chopping off their fingers everytime.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sir, what's the hand held mirror for?

A random question.
When a gal dresses up in an obvious way that she's emphasizing nothing but her bosums, are we suppose to stare at them?
No, don't give me the 'yerr, so disgusting', or 'this guy's so obscene',or 'what obvious way?' or 'Ham Sup!' comment. It's a common thing. Even girls stare at girls' bosums.
If you can't accept this, you're either just a pretender, or you're reading this with your girlfriend.
No, this is a serious question.
Let's explore the girl's mentality. It's late in the evening, she's wondering what to wear. Of all the clothes in her wardrobe, she picked the one that has a gap as wide as King Kong's ass crack. And while dressing up, don't tell me she didn't look at the mirror and notice that half of her racks are showing. So my point is, she KNOWS that her bouncy twins are halfway in the open.
Concordently, using logic, if she knows they're showing, it means that she WANTS them to be shown.
The definition of 'show': To cause or allow to be seen.
Keyword: Allow to be seen.
Back to the question: are we suppose to stare at them?
Because, looking back at my arguments above, we're pretty much given the green light thumbs up to stare.
But if we actually stare at them, we'll be labeled as perverts. Sometimes I refuse to stare at them till the extent that people ask me: Why are you avoiding that gal's boobs?
It's actually quite confusing. Is there an unknown lost art of breast staring that everyone knows except for me?
I don't know. Help me out here anyone? What is the most appropriate way to approach this situation?

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Can eat one or not?

The topic of hypocrisy came up during lunch today.
I googled the word up, and this is the definition:
the act of pretending to have beliefs, virtues and feelings that one does not truly posseses.

That's cool, but this is the interesting part: when you google the word hypocrisy, the search results come up. The second result will take you to www.hypocrisy.com and up comes the TOP Sites for Hypocrisy. The first site says God is Love.
I thought it was a joke. It says 'see a 60 second video on God's love for you.' No, seriously it's all about God's love.
Some great humour, these google people.
I can imagine this guy getting pissed on how his drug addict parents forbid him to smoke. He goes back to his room and shouts: 'I'll show you! Bloody hypocrites! I'm gonna search up the meaning of hypocrisy and get back to you!!'
And from the screen up comes: God is Love.
I'd chew the computer screen into two if I were him.
Seriously, hypocrisy is everywhere. Life itself is all about hypocrisy. We are going to die one day anyway. But we always feed ourselves with hope and better things to look forward to. But when you think about it, isn't that the biggest irony of all?
Note that I AM a hypocrite. For example, I detest sluts. But I have to admit I do come in contact with movies that has screaming naked women in it from time to time. I've made comment about people wasting money; I've got two iPods.
Right? So I'm the master of hypo-cheebye-crisy.

If you're having the same problem. I've got the solution for you. Number one, just fucking admit you are one! That makes your life easy. Like, what's wrong about being a hypocrite? You don't go to jail. No one's gonna hurt you. Suck it in and fuck all the world.
If you are still concern about your image, try this: Shut the fuck up! People can't actually call you a hypocrite when they don't know where you stand. Therefore, if you keep your opinions to yourself, then no one can actually criticise what you do.
Neat huh? Just like the classic dialogue:


Tarzan: You're gay? How come you never tell me you're gay? God we take showers together! I even let you massage my feet!

John: You never asked.

See? It works! So if you don't want to be labeled as a hypocrite, you can either suck it in, or shut the fuck up.

Do not fornicate with it.


Coconut mothafucker! C-O-C-O-N-U-T! Give me your coconuts!

City of God.
Where kids carry guns and snort coke. Where raping and robbing are actual occupations. And it's ok to kill as long as you say your prayers and wash your hands after dinner.
Ok. It's an old movie. And I've never seen it although I showed it during CIA week. So? There's no rule saying we have to watch the DVDs once we bought them.
Aneeeway, this movie basically makes you go numb and immune to pot, and gunfires, coccaine, and black Brazillians.
I like the humour and irony behind the movie. Based on a true story too. Very swifty cinematography.
Nothing I can say that'd fully express my awe.
Just that the subtitles says 'hood' instead of gangsters. I'm the coolest hood around, you dig?

And they've got James Brown music. Haaaaeeeeeeeeik!

Why don't we give it another go.


One day, my son, this would all be yours. What, the curtains?

I have to admit, I was afraid to watch this movie.
Call me old fashioned, but I find it difficult to stomach homosexuals. I used to remember this one time, just ONE split second I actually wondered if I'm gay.
And then staring at the pictures of Sharon Stone and Heidi Klum (hey it was the 90's), I thought: Who the fuck am I kidding, I'm fucking straight as Hatori Hanzo's swords.
Anyway, back to the 1997 movie Happy Together by, surprise surprise, Wong Kar Wai. It's about, hey hey! Gay couples.
It's really mind piercing at the beginning, when you actually see Tony Leung and Leslie Cheung having intense sex.
But after 40 minutes you sort of get the idea that they are GAY and there's nothing you can do about it.
So you're like, yea yea, I get it, you suck cock and drop soaps. So what's the story? What's gonna happen next?
Once you get past that stage, you start to appreciate the movie. I have to admit it is probably the best WKW movie.
It's a stand alone style. No Chungking Express double storylines, or the 1960s trilogy with Xavier Cugat soundtrack.
It's as far away as it can be from Hong Kong. A gay couple stranded in their relationship. And in Argentina.
There's a 'the making' section in the DVD. I find it as interesting as the movie itself. You realised how much plot the director actually cut off. And how complete the movie would be with the 'would be' characters and storyline.
I hate to admit it. But I like this faggoty movie. Maybe I'm biased with all the WKW madness in me.
And Tony Leung is hot. From a girl's perspective of course.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

她说:可以的话,拿我当感冒药吧

最近心情非常地飘浮不定。
看了太多王家卫的电影, 现实生活不但似乎慢了半拍,而且缺乏色彩。
这种感觉我不会用英文表达。 外行人看了也不明白。
失恋后的第九十九天, 我开始惦念另外一个女人。
虽然我连她的名字都不晓得。
每个人失恋后都有一段感情空白期。就是感情变真空,内心不容许有任何人的一段时间。感情空白期是长是短,应人而异。有些人不嫌弃真空;有些的内心则由始至终都是满的。
没想到,坚持保守的我,心里只能维持真空不到一百天。
爱情在六十年代是一个很长,很大的病:爱一个人是二三十年的事;现在只可能是一个小感冒。
我想,我痊愈了。

Oh what a difference a day makes.


I told you I hate flowers!

Finally caught FFVII: Advent Children yesterday.
After the movie, my life has lost its purpose.
It's really cool. For the first 5 minutes I was paralysed. Really. I can feel my hair, as limited as they can be, standing up.
For some super dooper gizmo manga techno icky geeky PC nanobot sudoku nerds, the movie is better than sex.
I'm not saying I'm one of them. I don't jerk off to PC magazines and give names to my laptop's hardware parts.
Nevertheless, I've waited so long for this. How long? Till the extent that I feel lost after watching the movie.
It reminds me of my high school days. You know, when I had no life/friends so I had to play video games everyday.
The sad part is, 8 years later. Nothing much has changed. I stopped playing video games, but I still don't have a life.
And, Tifa is hot. I know she's not real. But she's hot. HOT! Where's the tight leather shorts and white tee shirt? What's this matrix shit?
Sorry, got lost for a while there. Where was I? Yes, life. Erm. Yea. Cool. I have one. Shut up. Bullsh-

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Why'd you say no you bloody idiot!?


Even though the aliens from nippaland are attacking, we're gonna dance all night.

Advantages of going to a ball alone without knowing anyone:
1. No worries about arriving on time, because no one gives a shit.
2. Don't have to wait for your date. (trust me, it's a MAJOR relief.)
3. No need to compliment your date's hair, dress, make ups etc. even though you thought she looked ridiculous.
4. You can just stare at girls and not worry about people calling you a pervert because, YOU ARE A PERVERT! Who are you kidding? You're alone at. a. ball!
5. You can spill water on the lady next to you and not feel guilty after 10 minutes. Because you know you wouldn't see her again.
6. If their partners can't dance, you can go up to random girls and ask them to dance with you. Because, hey it's a dance ball! Also, you can give their partners the middle finger.
7. Make up names for yourself. I told a girl my name is Ethan Kok and I'm studying Theology in Melbourne University.
8. Again, you can step on your partner's feet on purpose because you wouldn't meet them again. Well, at least not the ugly ones.
9. If your partner can't dance, you can laugh at her and make up random step names to confuse her.
10. Touching. Random. Girls. And it's totally legitimate! I mean, hey, you need to touch them while you're dancing right? right? Whoa, what's this? Someone kicked down my door! Police? NO! NO! It wasn't me! It wasn't me this time! Nooo-

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Got milk? I guess not.


I say darling, is that our daughter on the bus?

This is a bus ad posted on AdRants.
Well, I don't know what to say. The models were really excited during the shoot? Maybe the weather was really cold?
I'd like to know the product though. Pimple cream? Milk? Pads? Tampons? Prepaid mobile maybe?
But it's a really good idea for ambient media.
I can imagine the people who put it up laughing their asses off.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Can I help you sir? Sir?

My iPod shuffle is dead!
It stopped moving since Sunday. My dear old jogging buddy, my best friend. Gone, all gone. Forever.
Oh well, I'll just take it to the Apple store and ask for a replacement since it's still under the one year warranty.
And there and then in the Apple store, I met the perfect girl.
She's not too tall nor short. Slightly tanned. She was wearing a black coat like jacket, with a slight pinkish red scarf.
She's not like super gorgeous with a tall and slim body. Seriously, that kind of women makes me nervous. I wouldn't behave normally nor know what to say to them.
But this girl, she looks just nice. Like drinking hot tea in a cold rainy day, or eating mango gelati in a hot summer day.
Yes, in case you're wondering, we did talk to each other. About Apple. And Macs. And Ipods. And how ugly the workers' uniforms are. She's actually funny. She predicted that the next Ipod after nano would be called Ipod flea.
That cracked me up.
Her voice sounds like the cello playing a G note. I made a joke some how, and she gave my shoulder a light punch.
When it was my turn, I gave my shuffle to the guy. Signed some stuff, waved goodbye to her and left the shop.
And my day just felt less heavy.
I could have asked for her contacts. But then again, I'd like to leave her as that. That perfect girl.
Before I get to know her more and find out that she's a cult member. Or a coffee lover. Or enjoys nothing but shopping. Maybe she's a slut. Or worse, married. Maybe both.
Besides, I might not be the perfect guy to her.
I thought it was better to remember that I've encountered the perfect girl for once, in an Apple store.
Oklah, I'm just chicken. So? So? Piss off!

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Savage Garden is gay

Did I mention I played golf two days ago?
Of course when I say golf, you'd expect blue sky, peaceful green, birds emitting harmonious melody and a warm breeze of spring.
What you didn't keep into account, is my fear of killing someone innocent. When I say I played golf, you'd expect me to KNOW how to play golf. You'd expect some decent skills.
Access denied.
I suck in the game. Truly, madly, deeply.
Knees slightly bent, you stare at the ball, your arms goes up. You get 2 seconds of silence. Then using all your might in your nuts you twist your waist and swing like tarzan's dick, gathering this hope to see the ball soaring high in the air.
Only to realise that the ball was still there. The only thing that moved was your friend, taking cover. And the creation of a large hole in the ground, which you quietly whistled past.
Repeat that process for 58 times. That's golf for me.
There's only once that my ball actually went into the direction of the sky. It went straight, but the wrong direction.
And of course I lost the ball forever.
Comments from my friends:
1.It's ok, at least the ball's moving. 2.Ey, looking goo-oops! 3.Hey, getting bette-aaarrgh! 4.SHIT! 5.It's fine, it's fine. 6. Hahahaha!
Towards the end we're joined by this two Ah Beng. (they were driving the bugey, these ugly filthy lazy rich people.)
And suddenly I thought I was back home in Malaysia. Because they were freaking speaking Hokkien!
Eh, gia wa eh PUTTER lai. Ghin eh! Aiya, Cheeeee bai! Lu pah seng la. Giu leh? Kua Giu! Kam lan eh jin eh.*
Really, I'd like to see Malaysians in the PGA. It'd be great to see them getting interviewed, or at least interacting with other people.
On liao? Jin eh on liao? Wa eh tao mo an zua? Sui boh?**
LAN JIAO!
LAN JIAO! Ghan ni ma eh! Lai lah!***


* hey, give me the putter. Faster! Ah, cunt! You go first. Where's the ball? Look at the ball! This sucks, really.
** is this on? Really on? How's my hair? Good?
*** PENIS! PENIS! Screw your mum! Come on!

Friday, September 09, 2005

The reason I remembered 1789

The dean of the Unimelb Arts/History faculty came to high table yesterday night. Not that it concerned me.
Yet I did have a small hand shake with him.
The head of college tried to make a conversation and talked about history teachers. About how important it is for a teacher to have an unforgetable personality.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAH!
My big fat juicy foot!
The best teachers, are the most beautiful ones. Period.
I remember when I was in junior three, our history teacher was the hottest women in the whole school.
(I think she's more like 'relatively' the hottest teacher, because the rest are like miniature dinosaurs or giant fossils.)
Yea, so the hottest teacher taught us history.
The single most boring subject for an ordinary science stream student. Or to say the least, for me.
And only in that single year, I got a 95 average for history.
FUCKING 95 AVERAGE!
This proves that if the government were to be able to employ supermodels or Hollywood superstars to teach in schools, everyone will get the straightest A's ever.
I'm sure all student will pay attention to every single boring shit that comes out from their mouth.
This also proves that I'm a lazy shallow pig. But hey, maybe she has superb teaching skills. Have you ever thought of that? Huh?

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

I trashed the candy and chewed the wrapper

It was 5:35 am. For the first time, I was awake to watch the Japanese news on SBS. However I was pissed tired.
When I realised there was nothing but of the upcoming election, I went to the toilet. While I was taking a piss however, I heard that a bear was running for the election.
There and then I had this image of a huge bear giving speech on the podium and shaking hands with the citizens. Riding his tricycle and shit. With the elephant song going on.
That's such an awesome idea! The bear could bring order in court! No more fist fight in the parliment because you know you'll get your ass chewed like sugarcane if you try.
The Japanese have done it again, I thought.
I went out and realised the candidate has a 'kuma' in his name (bear=kuma). He looks like a normal politician. Aw Sucks. Just when I thought the world's getting interesting.
The lesson of the story: Do not attempt to watch Japanese news when you can't speak the damn language.
Lesson 2: You should be in bed at 5:30 am.
Seriously, I'm getting old. I was listening to my collection of Jazz while finishing my assignment. And then I heard this song which goes like 'the old masturbator from the faraway hills." Again, I thought: could be fun. I didn't know 60's Jazz was so naughty.
Checked my iTunes. It was sang by Peggy Lee & Mel Torme. The name of the song is THE OLD MASTER PAINTER.
Lesson 3: Make sure you get enough sleep.

You can't upload pictures in CMYK mode.


Grandpa, did you shit in your pants again?

Ah. It's 4:23 am. And I've just finished this stupid sketch for my Reading Media Texts assignment.
Ok, I admit I kinda like this sketch.
One of the better ones I've done lately.
I gotta go make love to my pillows now.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Paging for Mr. Lungs


How my legs felt after.

Diary of Harvard's conscience while running 10km for Ekiden:

1st km: So many people! Such a nice day to run! Ouch, the sun's shining into my eyes. Luckily I put on sun screen. Argh, wind's blowing. Whoops look out old lady. What an ugly dog.

2nd km: My knees are grinding. Shit my calf muscles hurt. SS went to the toilet. Should we wait? No? Well, he can catch up. Ah, Akina and Naoko the navigators are here. I think they said turn right. Should I tell the people ahead? Oh well, I'll just keep running.


3rd km: Whoops. Looks like we should've turned right after all. Pretend it's not my fault. Shit, SS just ran past me. Looks like I gotta speed up. Eat my dust you suckers. Let me show you the results of my training all this while.


4th km: Gasp. Choke. How the FUCK can they run so fast? Wait... cough. wait up. Oh yes, traffic lights. I'll can get some rest th- crap it turned green. My stomach, it hurts. Argh.


5th km: Lost sight of them. choke. I'm all alone. gasp. I think I just kicked a baby. Get out of the way you old hags. Your wheelchairs looks like shit. Oh, I can't see. Sweat dripping all over my face. Oh, yes I see them now. Oh, we're at Port Melbourne already? Great, I can rest for a while. What? Second lap? Let me rest, whoops, they're gone. I'm alone again. And my pants are falling down.


6th km: Why oh why the fuck did I decide to do this. Cough. This has to be the dumbest decision I've made. Gasp. Choke. Home. Ice cream. Angry dragon. Yogurt. Sand. Black. Yoko yoko. BenQ. Youth. Society. More angry dragons. 2046. ANZ bank. Uranus.


7th km: wehgoiuer. eoiwoiuer.aduruoewoiu. guoiwiowerios. weouirwr. hawwwwaarggh. fwaaargh. liidieksla.


8th km: ... _ _ _ ... ..._ _ _ ... ... _ _ _...


9th km: Sniff sniff. FOOD! Cappucino. Hotdog. What is this? My brain is flying. No wait. I can't feel my legs. Hmm maybe I can speed up. OUCH! FUCK! Ow I can still feel them. SHIT! That hurts like Hitler. Whimper. Whimper. Limp. Limp.


10th km: Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we th-


Special thanks to Satomi who cycled behind me. Although I wonder what she could've done if I were to collapse. Call the wild life protection organisation? Yosh Taro! And many thanks to the kind souls who bought me dinner. Yes, that's you Riyo. Stop looking around. It's you. YES YOU! YOU!

Yes, I was just about to say that.

Here're the answers for the famous first lines of books. No one tried to look up the answers, not to mention winning the secret prize. I planned to give away an iPod, yet no one attempted. Pity.

1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,...
Charles Dickens
, A Tale of Two Cities.

2. Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Douglas Adams
, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

3. It is a truth univerally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
Jane Austen
, Pride and Prejudice.

4. It is this day three hundred and forty eight years six months and nineteen days that the good people of Paris were awakened by a grand pealing from all the bells in the three districts of the Cite, the Universite, and the Ville.
Victor Hugo
, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame.

5. As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.
Franz Kafka, Metamorphosis.

6. Call me, Ishmael.
Melville
, Moby Dick.

7. Once I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book about the jungle called True Stories.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
, The Little Prince.

8. It was the day my grandmother exploded.
Iain Bainks
, The Crow Road.


Sunday, September 04, 2005

Stop staring at my bulge thank you.


Check out my seat number. And of course, the erm, new found glass.

Went to the Melbourne Symphony again.
This one time I decided not to bring my camera, we got seats up front. When I said up front I mean 7th row from the stage.
There're pros and cons. When you're sitting up front you can't actually see the whole orchestra. From where I was sitting I could see this really FAT violinist flabbing her arms. Her breasts touches her waist line. No, seriously. Not kidding.
They played Beethoven's Piano Concerto No.5 Emperor and the 70 minutes long Symphony No.7 by Bruckner.
Parky hissed at this woman in front that fell asleep.
I was thinking, maybe she has cancer and her last dying wish was to watch Bruckner one last time and that she was passing out.
That theory fell apart when she woke up and dug her nose.

I wondered: Is it possible that there are some psychotic serial killer in the audience? Like, that was their warm up song and after the show they'd go out and hunt for fresh blood.
I like this whole 'having McDonald's for dinner then rush off to arts centre for symphony' routine.
Makes me feel less like a faggot.
And did I tell you that I stole a glass during the intermission? They were providing free water and I just knicked the glass cup.
Cheapest symphony scum ever. Haha

Saturday, September 03, 2005

You crying on the tram, boy?

With a constant stabbing of cold wind, the sun couldn't have possibly prevented the day to be cold yesterday.
I was waiting at the tram stop, returning from enquiring the cost of printing 350 books aka Satadal aka the college yearbook.
While feeling contented at my progess, this anger of not having this year's Satadal devoured my mind. I also thought of some flying squirrels. And giant muffins.
Until I noticed this girl staring at me.
Not ANY girl, this girl is hot(hubba hubba hot). She's as tall as me, perfect complexion, with watery eyes, and straight, shiny, long black hair. With a slight curl on the forehead.
I'm too old for this 'oh what should I do' shit, so I stared at her dead into the eyes (what's up hot stuff?).
And she looked away with a blushed face (aw so cute...).
Could it be? Could it possible be, that after a whole month of jogging and dieting, I'm getting more attractive? Could it be, that women now sees me as a normal human being instead of a mutant from the X-men academy?
Maybe. Maybe now I can experience some spontaneous affair that will lead into a romantic drama which only happens on the movie screen. Or my dreams.
When things couldn't get any better. Her friend arrived. Not ANY friend, this friend is sexy(hummana hummana sexy).
She whispered something to her friend and then BOTH of them were staring at me in an absolute engaging way.
And I thought: Threesome.
I decided to talk to them. Before that I reached into my pocket and switched off my iPod. Because you know, it would defeat the purpose of talking if I were to keep listening to music.
And then I heard what they're whispering about.
" How can he wear shorts in this cold weather? Crazy"
" I think he has enough fat to stand the cold. Heheheheh."
" Hehehehe. Oh shit look at his legs! They're hairless!"
" Fuck me, does he shave?"
" That's gay. That's SO gay, and so wrong!"
" Hahaha. Fat and hairless. Rememeber that time......"

I turned on my iPod. Got on the tram, went home, took a shower, shaved, and beat the shit out of tiger.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Waiter, why does my soup taste like piss?

Angry. Angry. Angry!
I came across this girl's blog. It started with: 'I'm blessed with parents who give me whatever I want, whenever I want.'
And then she starts reflecting her life.
'by the age of 16, I have already been to most of the continents around the world with the exception of Africa and the Antartica.'
'In Dunedin, I had insisted on a car (which I never got around to driving since I didn't really have a NZ drivers' licence) and my dad promptly went to buy one, which is still sitting in the garage of our Dunedin flat, completely unused'
'I complained that I was sick of living in a hostel, and envied friends who lived out on their own in their own city apartments. I aired this grievance to my dad, who promptly went out to purchase an apartment for me to live in when he next came.'
Grrraaaaaaaaargggh!
Huge ass question: Why. would. she. write. such. things. on. her. FUCKING. blog? This is not reflection, this is fucking showing off! This is not blessed, it's parental spoiling in progress.
One post of appreciation doesn't mean shit. Because, she's not doing anything to reflect her 'blessings'.
Take her previous post: 'Gosh, designers in Auckland are SOO expensive and cost so much more than designers in Dunedin.'
So what's her fucking point?
Here's my summary of the whole post: I'm rich. You're not. Screw you. See ya suckers. Have fun chewing leaves.
It's like saying: Sometimes I'm happy to be good looking. Because I'm not ugly. Why so? Because people never threw rocks at me when I was young. They never threatened to burn me either. Oh, I'm so lucky. Whenever I fart in the elevator, people would assume it's the girl next to me because I'm soo good looking. And you know what? I feel so BLESSED for that. Have I told you how blessed I feel about it? Thank god I'm so beautiful...
Now if someone would ever say that to me in real life, I'll seriously crucify them to a sizzling hot plate through their anus and add water from time to time.
This world is fucked up, man.

So you come here often?

We were talking about line openers in my copywriting class today. I was given this list of famous first lines from books.
Seriously, I could only get half of them in first try. So to make myself feel better, I shall give you guys a test.
These are my favourite first lines. Do you recognize them? Answers will be provided in 3 days time.

1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,...
2. Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
3. It is a truth univerally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
4. It is this day three hundred and forty eight years six months and nineteen days that the good people of Paris were awakened by a grand pealing from all the bells in the three districts of the Cite, the Universite, and the Ville.
5. As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.
6. Call me, Ishmael.
7. Once I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book about the jungle called True Stories.
8. It was the day my grandmother exploded.

First person to get it all right gets a prize.