Friday, March 31, 2006

Goodbye Jackie


My own wall of insipiration.

Jackie was my copywriting lecturer last year.
I didn't actually interact much with her. At first I thought she looked like Professor Snape from Harry Potter.
Plus she's scary. If she finds your idea's crap, she'll say 'That's shit!' in front of the whole class. So most of the time I'd avoid her.
She made us pin up all our ideas on the wall and go through them one by one. She called it 'the wall of vomit'.
Not until I started working on the British Designers and Art Director's competition then we corresponded more often.
She's still quite brutal. But you really feel like 100 dollars when she said "That looks great. Do it and I'll send it off. "
Now she's been promoted and has to leave the faculty. Apparently some office politics. I don't know. It's just confusing.
I'll feel kinda lost without her. Then again, I've been feeling lost since D&AD was over a week ago.
Have you ever spent so much time doing something, that when it's over you don't feel like doing anything else?
I have an assignment due tomorrow, but I just don't feel like it's important anymore. Damn you D&AD competition.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Can you mimic a dream?



I've had this ad for a long time now.
Just couldn't find a way to share it. Now that I've found YouTube, nothing's impossible. Ey, enjoy this Honda ad.
It's the next best thing since the Cog I think.

And I'm still picking my nose

Finally updated my 1+1 = 3 list.
Justin Riddler and Dean Gorissen were guest lecturers at my Advanced Art Direction subject this semester.
Simply put, I think they are the best photographer and illustrator that Melbourne could offer. Ok, maybe even Australia.
Riddler's even an RMIT grad.
And yea, Kozyndan's on the list too. Just because they're cool. They're having an exhibition now at the Outre gallery. It's along Elizabeth, just a wee bit before Lonsdale.
Go check it out really. Outre is cool. You know you've found someone with taste when they mention the Outre Gallery.
If you don't know what my 1+1 = 3 list is, pay a wee bit more attention to the sidebars. Yes, that one. No worries.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Her neck looked like an oak vagina

Sharon Stone appeared on Letterman.
I always thought she was this cool, elegant, beautiful woman since I've watched Basic Instinct. You know, the perfect white girl.
Ok fine, the perfect NAKED white girl.
But then, just now on the show, she's just... a grandma. No, seriously, a witch-laughing, dumb and wrinkled old hag.
It's like she's completely drunk. She's just giggling in a schizo kind of way and missed what David was trying to say constantly.
Parky and I were really annoyed.
She's like 40+ and she's going to appear naked on screen. There should be a law against that! I don't care if she's hot!
She's still someone's mother.

Like how Chris Rock said: '40 year old breasts are your man's breasts; 20 year old, community breasts!' And she did have community breasts, but that was 12 years ago.
I'm sure the breasts are screaming: 'Oh Lord what are we doing here?! I thought we're retired!' on sceen.

And then she started talking about her 6 year old and 10 month old boys. How they wrestle each other etc.
I was just thinking, what are they going to think when they find out their mom was naked in a movie 20 years ago?
You think they'll watch the movie? I mean, of course they'll watch it. But isn't that kinda fucked? Seriously?
'Hey mom! You're on TV! Wait.. why are you spreading your legs mommy? That's not dad! What is this mommy?!'
How would you feel if half of the grown up men you know have seen your mom naked on screen?
I'm so sure her sons will be arrested for drug smuggling in Indonesia pretty soon. And blame Basic Instinct on it.
'It's not our fault! It's the fucking DVD! Roberto showed us the DVD! The DVD made us do it! We're innocent!'

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Damn you Commonwealth

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." -- Albert Einstein.

Two days ago, my computer automatically set its clock back by an hour due to daylight savings. Yet Melbourne's not going to implement that until this week for the Commonwealth games. You know, just in case the athletes or tourists miss the game.
My reaction: it's alright. I'll just pay more attention to my watch and ignore my computer for a week then, no sweat.
I woke up this morning for my 9:30 class. I walked pass the computer and saw the clock indicating 7.59am.

I went back to bed until 9.00am on my computer.


Yup. Laugh away.
I still thought I was on time before I got on the tram. '10. 25am? How the hell-OH SHIT! OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!'

Friday, March 24, 2006

Harvardhism now with clips


Be afraid. Be very afraid.

This is a spoof of the Australian Tourism campaign.
Somehow I think people would actually visit Aussie if they'd actually show this ad. That's what I call truth advertising.

No seriously, 3000 nipples aren't working

Ok, freedom of speech.
I'm cool with that. That's something I've never seen before in Malaysia. Protest, marching etc. Mind blowing, uhuh.

But can you tell me if any of the protests actually worked? Think 'get troops out of Iraq' protest. Think 'fight VSU' protest.
Sure, they marched into some office and delayed everything. But did the protests bring any favourable result?
I don't think so.
However, I have a problem with nude protests.
Can anyone explain how in the name of whoever's up there, getting naked and lying on the ground could possibly contribute to ANYTHING on the surface of the earth?
It's like people going 'Oh, erm, hey guys, nothing's working. Let's get naked and form a massive artwork on the ground.'
Can you imagine an alien spacecraft flying by and witness that moment? They'd think 'man this planet is a piece of cake. Let's save our nuke and just let them rot to death in 10 year's time.'
Maybe that's why we don't hear much about UFO sightings anymore. They left because we're just not worth the invasion.
They'll just come collect the planet once we all die of nude protesting. Oh well, at least they'll have a good laugh.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

The wok said:


It's been one week since you looked at me.

Juri, this is what you missed out on dinner tonight.
Hope you enjoyed Scholarest veal.
Well, it's curry fried noodles.
Actually it's supposed to be Singaporean Noodles but I know there's NO SUCH THING as S'porean Noodles.

It's just normal fried noodles with curry powder.
Another thing that's made up by white people, along side with Dim Sim's and Weapons of Mass Destruction.
And yes, I know I'm supposed to cook it with rice noodles. So? Who said I can't use egg noodles? I even added a bit of ramen noodles to increase the texture so it's more chewy.
Oh alright, it's because that little bit of ramen was left there since a month ago. I just need to finish it off before the green stuff covers the whole thing. Then it'll be a bit unhealthy.
Parky? Omar? What are you guys doing with the butcher knife in my room? OH SHI- wait, wait, you guys said it was good! ARG-

Things you say at 2:41am

I was chatting with a friend on MSN this morning. When I was supposed to prepare for my presentation. Shut up.
So I was saying: 'Women are so troublesome.'
And she said: 'Men are shit.'
I said: 'True. If you mix them up together then Men + Women = Babies. And Babies = loads of trouble and shit.'
And we laughed. Oh so much truth in that.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

No, that's prawn

Was having a conversation with a friend about porn. No, no don't give me that look again. All of us come across the topic of porn the day we've learned to deny watching porn.
So, she was asking: If a man and woman were both to be virgins, (that's the chance of getting hit by a lightning, I know) and both of them've never watched porn before, (that's the chance of winning the lotto) would they know how to have sex?
Good question, I must say. I think that's how BJ, TJ, EJ and AJ* were discovered. Because there's no porn long time ago.
Thank heavens for porn.
Especially in Malaysia, where they tried so hard to ban porn. I mean, COME ON! Porn is how we prosper! Porn is how we learn to reproduce! Porn keeps us safe and warm. Porn, is what made us having a higher population than Australia!
Yea, yea. The law's damn tough. Yet I'm sure every single high school student had came across them. Ladee-da-deeda.
Now they're introducing sex education in school.

......FOR WHAT??!

The teachers? So that they could learn how to do it since they didn't have porn during their times?
Because HIV positive people are increasing? They don't need sex education. They need fucking CONDOMS!
It's like the whole country's getting shot, and the government is teaching the nation how to use the gun.
I'm sure the pimps in Chow Kit are going: Are you for real? We have enough students sending in their resumes already!
Watch porn. Really. Even pornstars wear condoms. Stop blaming porn for the cause of Malay girls getting raped.
Whatever happened to poor PUBLIC SECURITY?
And when a Chinese girl gets raped and chopped up, her family gets a 'get well soon' card and a fruit basket, with a shrug.

* J stands for JOBS. B = Blow. T= Tit. A = Armpit. E= Ear.

Everybody has AIDS

Parky finally watched Team America.
Omar was singing the 'I'm so ronery' song and Parky didn't get it. So he made Parky watched that part of the movie.
And now the whole 313A is full of jokes that are over a year old: 'Harns Brix? Aw fuck!' ' Dukka dukka, Muhammed Jihad' etc.
We refused to make stupid Brussel Peters jokes because we're reserving that for the next year, or maybe later.

Actually I think Peter's a year old too. But everyone still thinks speaking in an Indian accent is funny and cool.
The sad part is, the Indians laugh along.
As if that's the only way they'll get accepted: to laugh along the jokes that're pointing towards them.
Yea. Postmodern racism. When we don't feel angry at the racial jokes anymore, we join the fun. Haro, I rike flied lice. Werry funny.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Who would have thought


My balcony would look so great in the evening.

It figures.
I was trying to take an evening nap when this bright light shot into my face. I thought Zeus finally came to claim me as his son.
But it was just that I've forgotten to put down the blinds. My room faces North. So ya know, evening = yellow West.
Had a random phone call. "Hello, is this Borders?" this lady asked. I was pretty tempted to say yes and entertain her.
Then again I was late for class.
I managed to speak to Mr. Tarantino from my Jap class again. He was all passionate about anime and cyborgs and mind hacking.
"It's bound to happen, this technology." He blinked, "One day we'll all have bionic arms and cyborg legs to work faster. Hell if I were to fall from 10 stories high and end up as a cripple. I don't mind being a half robot myself."
I said, "Look, a tram. I've gotta go for ballroom dancing."
Is it me, or the world's just gone FUCKED?

Recovery day


Big breakfast ala Harvard.

Finally.
My battle to recover from my illness (whatever that was) without seeing a doctor or taking any pills is over.
And I've won. I claimed victory. My body survived. Although I basically mouth-raped and tortured my throat for a week.
Screw you, sore throat.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Blah


Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah.
blah blah haha. blah. blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
blah. blah. blah. blah. blah.

Monday, March 13, 2006

That's it


I'm not going to cook for a week.

I screwed up the Carbonara again. That stupid cookbook doesn't work. I'll have to use my instinct next time.
Hence I erm, did some instant Japanese Karaage (just fried chicken) to cover up the driness of my pasta.
Anyway, do you know that angel hair pasta cooks faster than your average pasta? Hey hey, level up for you.

Dinner conversation #4:
Omar: So how's work yesterday night, Parky?
Parky: Oh alright. I saw the hot Jewish girl again. She has her hair back up this time. I think she likes me.
Harvard: Ooooh. How?
Parky: She smiled at me.
Harvard & Omar: ............
Omar: Did she have her hands in her pants?
All: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA...!

Since then all of our conversation contains 'hands in pants'. Even a poor German guy who's just doing his laundry.
Ah. Brotherhood.

Fuckin' Labour Day


Omelette in Turkish herb & garlic roll.

What'd you do if you fell sick, walked all the way to Lygon court and Safeway, pushed the button, stumbled into the elevator, got out and realised the clinic was closed?
You walk to the bakery next door, buy some bread, go home and make a good lunch. Then you blog about it.
Stupid public holiday nonsense.
We're supposed to celebrate the fact that we have 8 hours of work, 8 hours of sleep, and 8 hours of play. That's Labour Day for you.
And once you get ill, you fuck up that balance. You don't get no work done, your sleep consists of your flatmates jerking off to your bed*, and play, well yea, very funny, play.
At least lunch was good. I'm really enjoying this cooking thingy.
It's a very Murakami lifestyle:
You've lost your cat, your wife'd left you. You worry and focus about nothing but food, books and music. And you wait for that librarian with beautiful ears and enormous appetite to appear in your life.
Not bad. Not bad at all.

*Didn't actually happen.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Friendship, or food?


Hmm. So happens that I cook brunch every Sunday.

Moving out fact #348. Even when you woke up hungry like shit, you still have to take an hour or so to cook something up.
And then maybe an hour later, you're not that hungry anymore. Or, the food you cook doesn't justify the time you waited for it.
Bright side: you get to eat as much as you want. Especially when you room mates are out/ still sleeping.
So yea, some random Shanghai noodles, this is.
Sauce: corn flour, sesame oil, pepper, salt, sugar, peanut, egg etc. Noodle: noodles. Lettuce: letuce.
Really, it's the presentation that counts. Haha.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

I received a Banana, really

The teacher walked in and spoke in Japanese. I mean, duh, it's Japanese 3, but I was expecting some English explanation.
I could sorta grasp what she's trying to say, but it still sounded something like this: sei chfoj hdfioah fhuafhai hbfiad WEATHER haliahfh fbuahfu nujkd dhaf dhakha, YES?
And everyone but me replied: YES!
hfauihf jci kdie agyc ngo ieikc hfa cico HOMEWORK, RIGHT? And everyone replied: MILK, BANANA & SANDWICH!
And I went cuckoo, kaka, and nyanya.
20 minutes later , she finally spoke English. For the first time I appreciate the language white people invented.
But overall, the class was alright. We spent the whole class learning about giving and receiving.
(not in that way, you dirty minded scum)

This guy who looked a lot like Quentin Tarantino sat beside me. And he was telling me about how he got drunk the other night and woke up in the hospital with drips.
There was this other guy sitting opposite me who I thought looked awful familiar but I just couldn't remember who he was.
This seldom happens, so I was pretty frustrated. At the same time the teacher was saying 'boring pen'. (wtf, I know)
Finally, I remembered the guy as the salesman in OfficeWorks. He helped out Parky and I a lot while we bought the 20kg bookshelf. And we were being a pest bugging him about this and that, taking something and returning this after buying that.
Maybe it's not a good idea to remind him about that.
But yea, it's an interesting class. There're three old folks sitting behind the class as well. And they'd be the last to finish the sentence all the time we read aloud. It's sorta like a kind of echo.
I'm still the crappiest in the class though.

My detergent's label: This product actually works!

The thing about washing your own toilet, is that you lose the excuse of blaming other people when you pick up dirt and hair and slimy green stuff all around the place.
You know, that thing you do at home when your mom's on your ass: staring her dead in the eyes and say: "Hey mom, it wasn't me."
Nope, can't do that anymore.
And considering how hairless I am, it's difficult to believe the decent amount of hair falling off. Different shapes and sizes too.
Yet the strange thing is, I found hairs that were at least 20cm long. I don't remember having any body parts that could possibly grow that length and amount of hair.
Just shows that how many girls came using my toilet. Smooth. Or maybe Omar's been sneaking homeless guy in my room again. Shit.
Am down with sore throat and fever, yet not that bad. I hate this feeling. You feel sick but not till the extent of lying in bed and not do anything. Not sick enough to attract attention.
Quote of the day from a concerned friend: "Go check in the mirror and if you see white stuff in your throat, go see a doctor."
And the doctor'd probably give me a condom. And a movie ticket to watch Brokeback Mountain in Nova.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Parky leaving for library


He's my flatmate, I know. He's doing 4th year Honours too.

Introducing


Our recycling box.

It's unintentional, really.
I kept the box because it was big enough to store all my stuff during summer. Well, it was her box during two summers ago.
Next thing I know, Parky and Omar were chucking empty Shape boxes, juice bottles and milk cartons in it.
I didn't even realise her name was on it until some ex-IHer brought me to a corner and asked me about it in a hush hush tone.
'What do you do with it?' ' Do you urinate in it?'
And I just couldn't stop laughing.
We were emptying her at the basement just now. On the way back, I really hope I didn't bump into anyone I know.
"Oh my God after a whole year he still hasn't got over his ex. Now he's hugging a box with her name on it. Poor bastard."

Life as a woman

1. Women in full-time jobs earn 17% less than British men.
2. Women in part-time jobs earn 42% less than British men.
3. 67%
of all illiterate adults are women.
4. 1,440
women die each day during childbirth. That's 1 per min.
5. 12 is the number of world leaders who are women. (out of 191 members of the United Nations)
6. Men directed 9 out of every 10 films made in 2004.

This is taken from the Independant Online, statistics polled in conjuction with International Women's Day. I don't know what they're thinking, but this is a depressing way of celebrating it.
But hey, maybe women are doing better than before, no? Maybe it used to be 100% illiteracy for adult women.
Maybe there were no women lawyer at all before this.
At least one woman got to direct a film in 2004.
Who am I kidding? This is just out right sad ok? This just proves that all the feminist bullshit, only apply in developed country.
Woman's right, girl power. Yea, tell that to the women in Ethiopia who have no choice but to wait for their crap husband to come home and bring food for the family.
Go tell them ' You should stand up for yourself, even though it means getting your head cracked open by bomerang axes.'
Next time, if any girl try to outsmart you by arguing some female rights bullshit, just read aloud the statistics above.
Life is just so shitty.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Tutu's for grandma

Felt really depressed and amnesiac after watching Weatherman starring Nicholas Cage and Michael Caine.
So I've decided to do something self-destructive this morning. And what's better than skipping a 3 hour lecture/seminar?
Oh alright, I was just lazy.
After buying the white flour bread from Baker's Delight, I walked in Borders and realised it was a 20% discount off everything day for students/teachers. On top of that I've found a 2CD set of Underworld for $21.95, that's $18 after discount. Mmm. And then I found Rob Dougan's Furious Angel as well. And then Banana Yoshimoto's 'Goodbye Tsugumi' was on sale for only $9.95.
Playing truant has never been so rewarding.
But I went to the afternoon class. And I watched the latest X-men trailer. Seems really, really, really promising. I think this is the only franchise that gets better every episode.
And then I streamed the Gorillaz/Madonna performance during Grammy's as well. Seriously, Madonna's like 40+ or something.
And I'm embarassed to say this, but she's HOT! As in yes, HOT! Did I say she looks HOT? Oh my she's so freaking HOT!
That's disturbing. Really. If all women were to stay hot till they're 40, human population's gonna rock the ozone layer.
And can you imagine your friends finding your mum hot? What's wrong you say? Erm. Uuurm. You should walk over a cliff.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Characteristic of Apartment 313A


Vegetarians get the fuck out!

Yea, Parky bought like 65 dollars worth of meat.
He said he told the woman 2 kilos, but that sure look a hell lot more than 2 kilos. That's like, a year's supply of meat for Africa. Ok, Shanghai then. Oh alright, Geelong.
Really, it's as if we're cannibals and we just murdered our neighbour's little kid sister. Yum, that'd be awesome.
Did I mentioned that our freezer's insane? It freezes the ice cream so hard, that we need the butcher knife to hack our way through.
Cool. No, literally.

Butt crack alert!


Yes, indeed. What is the significance of the conductor?

A man snored so loud that he nearly made all of us burst out laughing during Tchaikovsy's Violin Concerto.
I think there was also a boy with down syndrome watching the symphony, hence every now and then there were strange 'Chewbacca' kind of moans from behind.
No, seriously, I wasn't being mean. I really saw a down syndrome boy in a wheechair on my way to the toilet.
So at that point when I was trying so hard not to laugh, I just thought of an everyday dilemma in life.
Don't ask me why, it just randomly happened.

A dilemma of life: Would you choose to be a winner amongst all losers; or just a loser among big winners?
Would you choose to be dissed among the very best, or just stay with the mediocres and pretend you're king?
In more simple words, if you were me, would you choose to enrol in Japanese 3 and struggle, or just waltz through Japanese 1 since you've already learnt the basics?
Well, you might ask 'why not take Japanese 2?'. Well, sorry dear, Japanese 2 is only offered during second semester.
It's a pride thing, this problem. Some people just want to get good grades and feel good about themselves.
Some want to learn things although it means failing and not getting a degree and letting the family down.
Well, I'm definitely not going to stay in Japanese 1 and feel superior. Although its pretty tempting I must say.
Yet I might fail the shit out of Japanese 3.
Argh, to get good grades, or to actually learn something worthwhile?
Help, or any opinions, anyone?

Sunday, March 05, 2006

We are...


Omar, Harvard and Parky's Sunday brunch.

Sze Chuan mince beef spicy noodles.
Thank God for Lee Kum Kee's ready made sauce.
And Omar's Fantastic brand of long life noodles. With an addition of onions and mince beef and long beans, plus a bit of lemon juice, chili flakes, fish sauce and XO paste.
I know, I know. Someday I'll learn how to prepare the paste by myself. Which means I have to call my mom soon.
By the way it's not that I'm being fancy or anything by using the coloured bowls, we do use them on regular basis.
Mine's the orange one (because orange is the colour of genius), Omar wants the green one coz that's nature's colour, and Parky got the purple one just because it's metro-sexual.
Frankly, all of the colours above seem gay.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

There's something about the way you look tonight

It's Mardi Gras day.
When millions of gay & lesbians get together and celebrate the fact that they suck cock and munch on carpets.
What pride. What celebration.

It's like the Valentine's Day for homosexuals. Just that, you know, it's the totally opposite way to celebrate it.
We don't have no people parading down the park during Valentine's Day. Couples just check into hotels and hump each other for a very expensive price.
Whereas Mardi Gras is to expose everthing about your sexuality to the whole world. And it's totally free. You just show up.
I can so imagine some girl hoping to be a lesbian so that she could put on those colourful clothes and march with the parade.
You know, some people just don't cut out to be models and the only time they get to catwalk is during Mardi Gras.
I don't know. Homosexuality is not accepted like 50 years ago. People get stoned to death if they're found bent.
Sorta like the pedophiles today. Can you imagine 50 years later there'll be a 'tellytubby' day and pedophiles just gather around and dress up in clown suits while celebrating the fact that they're turned on by your children?
No, don't tell me it's different. It's the fucking same thing. It's about social values. It's about change.
Cheers to the eggs which won't be fertelized. ever.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Nincompoop #891374


AHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAA!
Look at that expression! Muuaahaha!
You go girl!
It must've been photoshop'ed or something. I refuse to believe that there're people who possess this level of stupidity.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

And when we kiss...


OooOooh. FIRE!

I have to admit it looks better than it tasted.
What? It's my first time frying noodles, and well, I might have burnt it a little. Ok fine, so I made Parky cleaned up the 'charcoal'ized wok. So what? As long as it's edible.
My defense: too little oil & too much noodles.
Mmm. PS2 is fun. Especially when you have no friends. Slashing demons, rolling katamari's, good old days.
Wait, am I not supposed to be in final year and doing lots of projects you say? That's true. Uhm, shut up! SHUT UP!
Things I've learned today: not to rub your eyes when you're chopping onions. And definitely not your crouch.
That shit's so not cool.