Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Complainin' about the noise? Have you heard the rack't he makes?


Security was pretty tight. This was my only snoop shot.

I was 16, going on 17. That's when I first watched the video special of STOMP out loud. It was a crappy VCD version.
But I still wet my pants.
So when I saw the ad on TV a month ago, I wanted to book the tickets so bad. And I did. Got a D-row ticket.
Except for the fact that there was another man with down syndrome moaning nearby, I enjoyed every second of it.
There was this funny guy who reminded me a lot of Gary Larson, an American exchange student last year. Ah, Gary.

Love? Map? Crap.


About love. Well, it doesn't exist.

Upon discovering this movie, I was pretty excited. At the idea, and the possibility of it being a good film.
3 couples. 3 stories. 3 locations: Tokyo, Taipei, Shanghai. Sounds familiar? Fear not, as Hou Hsiao Hsien did the same thing with Three Times last year. Giovanni Veronesi has done it with Manuale d'amore, currently showing in Nova.
It's no wonder this crossover production, About Love, went through last year without notice.
And it should have. The movie was crap. The only thing that attracts the audience is probably the dysfunctinal interraction between the Japanese, Taiwanese and Chinese actors.
Other than that it was a just a vein popping effort to make the movie appear stylish and philosophical.
The second story, Taipei, actually had a script that was literally torn off Wong Kar Wai's Fallen Angel.
The disappointment. I'm not saying it's the crappiest of crap. Download it if you must. It was still 100 minutes of entertainment.
Just to say that if you're attracted to its style and script. Go rent yourself some Wong Kar Wai's. They'd do more justice.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Hitler'd have agreed

Ok, I found this from one of the bulletin boards on my friendster thing, which I check like once every full moon.
Title: 31 ways to make a girl smile.
I'm not gonna waste your time stating all 31 ways, but I have to say it's complete rubbish and parallel to the logical world. If people think I'm sexist, wait till they get a load of this:

3. Hug her from behind. (when I read this then I realised they meant 'ways to make your GIRLFRIEND smile.' Because, the last time I did that to a random girl, I spent a week in the hospital recovering from the pepper spary.)
5. Wrestle with her. (and break her neck?)
10. Play with her hair. (HOW?? use it to mop the floor? clean my bike? chew on it? Slice carrot with her armpit hair? What?)
12. Get upset when another guy touches her and she doesn't like it. (Er, so we should not get upset when she likes getting touched by the guy? WTF? Should she 'like it' to start with?!)
15. If she's mad at you, kiss her. (and fucking lose your tongue?)

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. (as opposed to looking her in the breast? I mean, it'd be creepy anyway to stare elsewhere and smile: I like your earlobes, hehe...)
And 27. My favourite: Give her what she wants.
That's so insightful. Give. Her. What. She. Wants. Whooa.
Unless you've lost your lower jaw in the war, who in the world will NOT be smiling when you're given what you want?

Was Aladdin sad when he found the genie in the lamp? Did cinderella complain when she met the fairy godmother?
No, they were fucking laughing their heads off singing Prince Ali and whatever song cinderella was singing.
This whole list is propaganda.
I was feeling indifferent until I saw 'give her what she wants'. It's bullshit. It an insult to women themselves.
You want to know how to make a man smile? Give him 1. sex 2. food 3. money. There, easy isn't it?'

No, actually, we want world peace. That will make all of us happy. Seriously. That's all we need to smile. World peace.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Don't judge a meat by its colour


I'm not that brave, actually. I'm chicken.

Sweet and sour pork. Then again, I have to replace the pork with chicken for Omar. It was sweet. It was sour. Enough said.
Presentation today. I don't know, but it has reached a time that I just want to finish everything and get this semester done with.
I didn't care much about the presentation.
But there's nothing else to occupy my mind either. Reconfiguring the router at 6am seemed normal. Eating onigiri's from Unimelb union house seemed normal. Drinking nothing but orange juice for the last 3 hours seemed normal.
I guess there's nothing interesting to write about because I've been too self absorbed that I didn't get to observe much lately.
I apologize.
Shit, can't believe I actually said that. I sounded as if people actually cared about what I write. As if I'm a big shot writer or something. That's so not me. Bleh.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I miss you, Thomas Edison


You are not a tiger, you are not a tiger...

Blackouts are fun. Oh, so fun.
Tiger was pretty afraid. I was alone in the apartment. We spent like 10 minutes freaking out, doing the robot dance.

And then we got extremely bored.
We started to think about how cavemen cope with their lives like this everyday. But then again, that was their optimum lives.
That's because we've got lamps now, we can patronise the people without lamps 10 000 years ago.
Maybe cavemen back then used to think: Hmm. I wonder what's life without leaves going up my ass? Rocks would've hurt.
Speaking about patronising, I overheard this girl in a restaurant talking loudly about how GREAT Ramli Burgers are.
"OH MY GOD IT'S SOOO GOOD! They have this THING call the DOUBLE egg SPE-SHELL that's SO fattening!"
" I tried it in this CAMPUNG and THEN got food POISONING. But IT'S SOOO GOOD! RIGHT? Malaysia's COOL!"
Yup, Singaporean. And she's sitting across her two Malaysian friends while her Angmo boyfriend seemed as clueless as another Singaporean who's pretending to know what she was talking about.
She's was so loud that even the table next to Justin and I were chuckling while we shake our heads together.
Ramli Burgers, aren't good. We like it because it's so crap. And well, because we can't afford McDonalds.
Stop patronising. You don't even know what's in a Ramli burger. Like I have no idea how cavemen entertain themselves in the dark.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

过去总是美味的

又是两年前的事。
我们在车上听着收音机,嘲笑着西方歌星的中译名。Ronan Keating 沦为罗男基丁之类的笑话。当时在笑着:基丁?那不就是鸡丁吗?哈哈哈!可以是菜名了! 当天在车内我们就开张了一间虚构的餐馆。名菜有:
罗南鸡丁 孙燕窝 灵芝玲 肉棕宪 汤木耳棵肉丝 猪利亚萝卜丝 优各莱恩 好力克勤 章鳗鱼 凉茶伟 刘德阿华田 梨明 黄饺子 猪血友 凉咖啡 蛋塔滑 橙汁伟 还有我们的最爱: 动力火锅
如果有一天真的有这样的一间餐厅,你们会捧场吗?

Friday, May 19, 2006

What the fog?


God is smoking weed if you ask me.

Again, I was diving out from the tram, running late for my early morning Japanese class of two tests.
I still managed to stop and dig out my camera and took this hell of a foggy picture at 8.35am. Aah, crazy me.
But I don't know why, Melbourne is getting extremely foggy for the past few days. And nothing's burning.
So different compared to back home.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Nice hair gel


Behold my one pack sagging tummy!

Come to think of it, this is the first time I'm more excited to see the acting of the villian than Superman himself.
Like, I know Kevin Spacey, I've seen the
trailers and I think he'll be good playing Lex. But yea, watsisname is playing Superman again?
I miss Christopher Reeve.
But yea, did you know that Bryan Singer the director, directed X-Men 2 and quit X-Men 3 halfway for Superman?
And apparently Wolverine will have a guest appearance in Superman but of course that was all a false rumour and I've completely wasted your time for the last 5 seconds.

Well, 6 if you include this sentence as well.
Well, that's how the world works. People only want to know about what's not true. We give shit about facts and figures.
Facts only hurts us. What? Superman doesn't exist? NoOoOo! Mutants aren't real? YOU are unreal!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

All advertising students are cool


My bedtime story for the last week.

You don't have to be a marketer (or anyone in that sort) to get hooked on this book. It's easier than your commerce text books.
In short, Seth here sees marketing/advertising as story telling. You tell a story about your new product, it's all up to the consumers to buy your story or not.
(Since stories have no claim of authenticity.)
I'm sure none of you would actually read this book. But hey, your loss. And I get to post something on my blog. Dum dum.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

For Gina


Erm, these are probably the best ones that are actually in focus from my digicam. I blame the poor lightings.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Due in 2 hours time

I'm assuming that people who visit this blog are mostly uni students, or people with hearts as young.
So erm, if you were to have these ads in your mailbox. Would you actually be interested? Or, they'll just end up in the bin?




I knocked these out in 3 hours time. But it's still better than their current poster with nothing but a big '$15' on it.

The question is, I guess, is that do they appeal to you as a student? Or you just don't read newspapers? Hmm.
Kindly do me a favour and comment on this one.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Final Destination 4: The toilet

Here's your weekly dose of stupidity: Supermodel fell out from bus mistaking the exit door for a toilet door.
"It is lucky that I'm alive." she said. Not for mankind it's not. In fact, I think she cheated death. Death will 'finish' her eventually.

I was down at 7-11 buying some chocolate milk. There were like a bunch of college students, piss drunk coz today's rowing day.
They were looking for cheese to melt on their doritos. In 7-11. At one point a guy was trying to get a slurpee when the sign said 'out of order'. And then this girl entered the shop and yelled,
'Aaaaah! Why is it so bright in here? My eyes hurt! Turn it off! Why is it so BRIGHT? I can't stand it. NoOooOoo!'
I think that's when my brain snapped and I felt like stabbing their eyes with a pencil and light a cigarette in the wounds.
Maybe Ah Pu can spit in them as well. Then we'll dance around the burning corpses and wait for sunrise while holding hands.
So romantic.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Angry flashbacks

A small brush of conversation with X about ignorance yesterday reminded me of a post I should've done a long, long time ago.
This is Parky's story. Long, long time ago.
At a friend's place, he heard a Singaporean(sigh) guy claiming that the Holocaust did not happen and it was all fabricated.
Also, he refer to the terrorists as 'Islam' people.
Islam people.
I think he meant muslims, but then again, Parky was too tired and shocked to care about this guy.
Ignorance is bliss. So is stupidity.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Day 1


2006 AGidea conference. I think I shat in my pants.

1. Shelley, the prettiest/hottest lecturer gave me her lecturer pass to the 3rd day of the AGidea conference. A normal ticket costs $400. It's a reward from all the staff for my nomination. I was walking around as a RMIT lecturer the whole day.
2. Shook hands with John Warwicker, co-founder of Tomato, which handled design for Adidas, Sony, Asahi TV etc.
3. Found out John was an ex-Underworld member. Found out that Underworld is in fact, the founders of Tomato.
4. Bumped into an ex-lecturer, Karen. She knew about my nomination and introduced me to her senior lecturer as 'young, very talented and dedicated'. Cough.
5. Witnessed the presentation of Shiro Nakamura, creative head of Nissan Motors, responsible for the Fairlady Z.
6. Walked late into my tute while the whole class applauded.
7. Several first or second year students walked past me and whispered: Is that Harvard Wang? Is that Harvard Wang?
8. Lots of handshakes.
9. Still not in the mood to do my 2000 word personal project proposal for semester 2. Due tomorrow.
10. Had 10 hours of sleep for the last 48 hours. And still haven't prepared for my Japanese conversation test tomorrow.

Holy joke of the day


Two stomach pains at one go.

This was on the wall of RMIT Building 9, level 2 men's toilet. If you really want to know, final cubicle at the end.
I don't normally use the uni toilet but this morning I was rushing for the AGidea conference and well, got kinda nervous I guess.
I'm so against mindless penis drawings on the wall, but this gem just cracked me up in the midst of my operation 'brown submarine'. Fact #7234: Uni students can't spell diarrhea.

Update: Oh. Erm. The correct spelling is 'dearrhoea'. So I was right after all. Uni students can't spell shit. Literally.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Life as a D&AD nominee


He waits; that's what he does.
And I tell you what: tick followed tock followed tick followed tock followed tick... Ahab says, 'I don't care who you are, here's to your dream. ''Here's to you, Ahab".
And the fat drummer hit the beat with all his heart.
Here's to waiting.


It was one of those odd moments, which you cannot grasp the seriousness of all things. Is this for real?
Why are you shaking my hands? But I don't even know you. How do you manage to smile in that kind of way?
I feel kinda sorry that not everyone's happy. But then again, my lecturer said: that's life in advertising. You win some, you lose some. Go celebrate, you're the star!
Being a star, means sipping beer in front of your PC.
I am exactly at the spot where I hoped I'd be a year ago. Exactly the spot where I dreamt I'd be two years ago.
Then again, I feel so lucky. The other lecturer of mine said: a famous footballer once said: the more I practise, the luckier I get.
This is indeed, the best thing that's ever happened to my life so far. Having said 'best', it pretty much means that things will probably go downhill from here. But I'll try my best to hold on.

You forgot to say HELLO!

Pigging out is a leisure. Sadly, I've lost my skill to overkill any amount of food served on the table.
This girl and I, we could not even finish a fried rice, fried noodle and some mince pork in Ying Thai this evening.
A year ago, I could easily devour all those food alone. I don't even need to think, my mouth would've acted faster than my brains.
But yea, the whole point of this post, is that when I was paying for the bill, I noticed the phone next to the cashier.
Yes, yes, that's pretty normal. Phone to take calls. Phone to make reservation. Phone to order fresh ingredients.
What struck me as interesting, was the piece of paper attached to the phone. A reminder, to be precise:

"Welcome to Ying Thai, how can I help you?" OR "Welcome to Ying Thai, may I help you please?"

So the restaurant's run by people who cook great food, but can't greet properly without looking at instructions.
Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.

死角

凌晨五点半。整理我的苹果电脑时发现一篇感想。日期不明。
推断寿命为两年。标题:《死角》。

“最近脑袋常有碰死角的情况。
对于时常暗地里自负富有创意细胞的我,无疑是自信的一大打击。
尤其是面对着创意意识蛮高的一群人时,那无能感更是逼人。

我想,我开始老了。
或者说,我的学习意识接近饱和了。
虽然我只有二十岁。

曾听我妈说,小时候的吸收能力很惊人。
她总在晚上唱歌哄我睡觉。
而我常在第二晚一字不漏地回唱给她听。
虽然那时我只有三岁。

现在的我,总会向往三岁的我。
不止是记忆的发达,还有思想的单纯,对未来的无知。
纵然只是听唱儿歌,至少我期待每晚的到来,然后开心地入睡。
现在的我,能记得的儿歌寥寥无几,时不时不禁感到惭愧汗颜。
同时对于失去吸收能力感到惋惜。 ”

两年后重读这篇感想,我的反应是:
哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈!
我还蛮诗情画意的嘛!
可能是凌晨,或者待会儿有作业要交的关系,大脑真的传送了很多让我发笑的神经讯息。明天再读一篇,才会有点感觉吧。
或许当我发现两年后我的情况如故时,会跑去投江也说不定。
儿歌,我还玩泥沙哩。

Monday, May 08, 2006

Natalie Spockman


Picture from Vanity Fair.

I normally do find Natalie Portman attractive, but this picture, this picture reminds me of a man with breasts.
I don't know, her face looks like Jude Law in that Spielberg's A.I. Ya know, the shiny robot male gigolo.
Or Spock from Star Trek:



Picture not from Vanity Fair.


It's the same make up artist, I tell you.

My bet: 3 days


Like Omar said: OMG you've got floor!

Yea, I'd think my room will stay clean for less than 3 days. Maybe it's not even real after all; it might be a dream.
Tomorrow I'll wake up and still trip over my mount boards. Or worse, that apple core I left 2 months ago.
Please tell me it's real.

Not fair, you have more balls


Looks more like noodles on fishballs.

It's been a while since I've shown my food.
I don't know, whenever I see noodles I thought of this lame joke my high school Physics tuition teacher told us:
Mr. noodles beat up Mr. bun and ran away. The next day, Mr. Bun ran up to Mr.Indomee and beat the shit out of him yelling: Just because you've permed your hair you think I don't recognise you huh? POW! Huh? SLAP! Huh? (Hey, I said it was lame)
Anyway, yea. tuition classes. Can't believe I actually went to a tuition class. Thinking that subjects like Physics and Chemistry were important. Not to say that they're not, but looking back now, I felt like I've wasted my whole high school life not realising what I wanted to do then. But then again, if I were to tell my parents I want to make ads to sell healthy burgers 5 years ago, they'd probably skin me alive and soak me in fishball soup.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

I don't want to be good looking either

Bill Gates said: I do not want to be world's richest man.
And maybe all he wants is love, love, and more tender loving care from supermodels and racing queens.
Forbes magazine estimates Mr Gates' personal fortune at about $50bn. That must be such a crap life. Geez.

Friday, May 05, 2006

At least I'm straight

How do I know I'm a sad fuck?
Because it's friday night and I wanted to take a break from my projects. I went to Borders. To read magazines, books and yea, brace yourselves, cook books.
Meanwhile, Heist, located at corner of Lonsdale and Queen, is having a XXX Sin City clubbing night to celebrate the seven sins.
With massive live strip show at midnight, $2 peep shots and $5 quickfucks all night long, I'm just trying to figure out exactly which part of my childhood went totally wrong.
Oh well, I'll just go back to my Alain De Botton's new book: 'Architecture of Happiness'. Sigh, the irony.

Where's the controller?

I'm sure you've heard about the theory that our dreams are in black and white. And of course that's just bullshit.
But have you ever noticed the language of your dreams?
Like, I don't know. For people who speaks only one language(you sad crap), have you ever had a dream in different languages?
And if you do speak 2 or more languages, do you dream in your first language? Or is it just in random setting?
Got you thinking, didn't I?
So my question is: What does it mean when my dream had subtitles in it? The yellow ones. And the language is totally foreign.
I've been watching too many movies? Yea, I thought so too.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Joke of the week

None other than the best leader of the world.
Very entertaining. You'll get hooked in a while. Trying to get him trapped into different auto fellatio positions, that is.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

It's touching the ceiling


Seriously guys, we need to clear that bitch up.

Just because of my glasses

This guy came in for a guest lecture. He is, in fact, the husband of the head of the Advertising faculty. Then executive Creative Director for JWT Taipei, now retired as a painter.
He was mainly responsible for the 2 minute Ford Motors commercial during 2000 which featured Charlotte Church and her 'Just wave goodbye' song, if it rings any bell.
This guy actually co-wrote that song. Oh, and the commercial cost 7.5 million USD to make. It was shown around the world.
They did what the industry would call a 'road block'. Which means, at that exact time, whichever channel you chose, you will see the exact same commercial running.
Pretty cool shit. Anyway, the interesting thing I was gonna talk about, is when he tried to show this commercial on tape.
And then they couldn't work the TV out. He asked around: So who's the techno whiz in the class?
And I thought: whichever name that's gonna get called out, he/she must be a sad, sad person who needs love.
Simultaneously, half of the class yelled out my name.
"Try embarassment. Take one tablet of humiliation mixed with your confusion, and take a deep nap."
No, this is really something that I'm still going WTF about. Because, I don't talk much to my coursemates. I don't know half of their names. Maybe the only thing I did to solve a technical presentation crisis the last time, was to replace the headphone plug into the headphone slot when it was in the mic slot.
So, suddenly I'm the techno whiz.
And do you know what was wrong with the TV? It was on standby. All I needed to do was to press the > button.
You know how they say that IT is so dead? How technology based course are so post 9-11? Fuck that shit.
There's still a lot of dumb people out there. And technology is still king. Technology, controls you. And you. Maybe not you.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Introductory chapter to the book that I might never write

Whenever people ask about my hometown, my throat finds hesitation. “23 kilometers away from the city” is my default answer. I give them a distance instead of a name, a measurement instead of a location.

You see, it is pretty useless to say more of my town. Even to the locals, the town bears no significance but the food, food, and the cheaper food. We are the all-you-can-eat buffet, the 9 to 5 Yum Cha, the “see, you’re not that crap” of the country.

The town is furthest away south west from the city. We are at the fringe of the metropolitan civilization. We are the fake imitation of Rolex’s. We are the descendants of your grandmother’s cousins, your ugly but down-to-earth friends; we are your bored weekends. We have plenty, but not all. We are there, but not quite yet. We are enough to be covered in a day.

Perhaps the only thing we possess that others do not, is a port. The town’s official website states that it is the country’s “marine gateway to the world”.

American TV shows are foul-word sensitive. We know that because we have TV programs about American TV programs. A documentary of a documentary, a process of a process, a censorship of a censorship. We learn that whenever swearing occurs in a program, the TV station somehow manages to transmit a beep to cover up. For instance, “beep”, “beep”, and “mother-beep”.

Where I come from, there is no beep; the whole scene gets removed. Yet sometimes, you get a snippet of the audio. The industry calls them “dirty pipes”. For instance, “bullshi-”, “cun-”, and “fgh”. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you get a concise swear word after the whole scene is censored. Like a jigsaw puzzle, you have to insert the word in the previous sentence to make a complete different meaning out of it.

For instance, the country’s marine gateway to the world. ILLEGAL.
A peaceful, beautiful, and prosperous city. CORRUPTED.
A centre of economic and social activities. UNDERWORLD.
Fresh, beautiful and comfortable. BURNING TREES.

But don’t get me wrong. The residents are proud of the town. We don’t run away from the fact that we are the display case of human immorality. We do not believe that a perfect world exists beyond the borders of our town. We nod and smile when our grandmother’s distant cousins, our beautiful friends, the trophies of interesting weekends, snort discomfort. We are completely in the mood for Zen when you think you are better than us.

Nobody’s perfect, but at least we are not ashamed to admit it. In the Wimbledon match of denial, you are leading 2 sets to nil, serving for match point. And we are checking out the ball girls. In the final 100M dash of proving our decency, we’ve already jump started twice. Just to prove that we can.

Because the world does not revolves around the best out of 5 matches. We cannot determine shit in less than 9.79 seconds. It’s an on going thing until your heart refuses to pump blood. And our advantage, is that we start from somewhere really, really low. We are calm, because whatever happens from here will only get better. We are not afraid to fail. Your worst is our starting point. Our worst? Well, my beautiful stopping over for a weekend friend, you will not want to know about our ‘worst’.

To you it might be a distance, or a measurement. But this is my town. And we are what we are not ashamed of.