Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I was robbed by two men


Notice although half of it was cropped, my face still took up the most space.

Dai-jou-bu. Na-tzu-ka-shi. Sa-mui.
Repeat these in a high pitch voice constantly, and you get a hang of the sound effects of our lives for the past week.
Satoyo have left abruptly just as they've came. And to think we're just looking at Japanese lessons on YouTube yesterday.
Our favourite:



So what have we learned from this visit of our friends from Japan? It's in the photo above. Happiness? Friendship? No, it's 'Super Savings on Dunlop Tyres!'
Parky and I are quite sad that we can't hear repeatedly high pitched Japanese anymore. So we imitated them from time to time. We had our very little own farewell party:


Also, welcome back Omar.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Crying out love, in the center of the world


Look! A Paris Hilton sex tape!

Great Ocean Road is really just... a road.
I was thinking maybe at the end of the road there might be some shrine or giant monument or whale massacre waiting.
When you think about it, that's what millions of tourists do: Drive 10 hours back and forth to see wind and water destroying rocks.
I wasn't really interested. I did it so that I don't have to put up with 'What? You've been in Melbourne for 5 years and you've NEVER been to the Great Ocean Road?'
Now I have, so shut your trap.

Do you know what I found out from the walking conversations between the tourists in Great Ocean Road?
There's a new Paris Hilton sex tape.
Ah. Sex travels even to the end of the world. What is wrong with this world? Sex tapes are like chart albums nowadays.
In the year 2050 we will be reminiscing the past in a 'yea that was the year when James Blunt had his 3rd sex tape...'
Anyway, you know you're a slut when your lawyer informs you of you sex tape leakage, and you reply 'Which one?'

Meanwhile, I give you the first polar bear to be born in the Berlin Zoo.


Waaaasssuuuuuuuuuuuupppp!
Link here. Warning: extreme cuteness. Although it reminds me of a puppy combined with a seal. Oh well.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

终于悲哀的外国语

每次读过了村上的书,都有一股写作的冲动。怀疑自己是否对日本文学有偏袒的思维。但仔细想想,真正细读的日本作家也不过是村上春树,村上龙,吉本巴娜娜而已。后两者其实也不能称是细读,顶多也是两部作品。常见的日文畅销书如《在世界中心呼唤爱》或《一公升的眼泪》等更是不用提。直接下载翻拍成的日剧就够了。
只有对春树是到了中英文翻译都重读一遍的地步。但他本人也承认作品深受外国作家影响。除了地名和人物名字以外,似乎找不对日本文化独特的写照。
而春上龙的《69》是关于受西方文化冲击的日本中学生的生活写照。
巴娜娜的《厨房》也是看了被翻拍成的香港电影才感兴趣的。
所以到这个地步,我很光明正大的认为自己对日本文学绝对没有偏袒。只是纯粹很巧合地被村上春树的作品吸引而已。就是这样。

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Familiarity has a smell

So I was on my flight back to Melbourne.
When I thought I could have 3 seats to myself, this Chinese couple had to rush in last minute and crush my short lived dream.
And then hell began.
From 9.15pm when we took off till 10.30pm landing, they never stopped talking. Ok, they never stopped talking LOUDLY.
The guy on the window seat opposite the other aisle was eyeing them the whole way. And just because I'm also Chinese, he gave me a 'it's all your fault' look.
The best part is, I could understand ALL their Cantonese. I couldn't even try to zone out even if I tried.
Here's another cracker, they are having an affair. Apparently they are discussing about how to break the news to the 'husband'.
I don't know about you. Even if I were cheating on my wife, and I happen to be in Mongolia, I'd still keep my mouth shut.
After they talked about the 'husband', they continue bitching about their entire family. From the cousin's son's car till the maid's butt crack, they just cannot stop.
It was fucking annoying. To top it up, they were butt ugly. It was painful to imagine them having an affair.
Meanwhile the guy at the window seat still thinks I'm with them. With the constant 'Can't you do anything? They're your friends. I want to sleep!' I wanted peel off their eyelids so badly.
To end things in a lighter note, before the plane took off the captain went on the intercom and looked for a Mr. Jackie Chan.
He didn't turn up for the flight.
And I am not a women hater.

Monday, January 22, 2007

久违了,中文

睡觉前的惯性不安,应该是从香港回来之后开始的。
正确来说,是香港工作落地之后。
毕业展切断了我寻找工作的念头,家里的婚礼占据了毕业前的不安。似乎从毕业后开始,没有一刻不是在为工作烦着。
以缩小地球的角度来看,我的烦恼微不足道。因为象Will Smith需要出售高密度X光仪器的大有人在。我不需要因为一份工作一个市场而颓丧。
但回望罢念绘测,重修辅导班,花费三年有余才念成的广告设计,仍然不能达到出人拔萃的地步。有时想干脆去念商科算了。
X君说的对,其实无论如何我都会有不满的地方。那到头来,我需要的是一个目标。一个奋斗,积极的出发点。
其实,那比寻找一份适合的工作,要困难多了。
人生的希望和抱负,仿佛在毕业那一刻,就结束了。再用Will Smith的话,中学时代,历史拿到A时的喜悦, 那仿佛可以投射未来前途的喜悦, 在我踏上毕业台拥抱科长的那一霎那,结束了。

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I'm not to blame because I didn't say no shit


"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading." --Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

Found this article which I think will not make at least one of my readers(I realised they exist once I stopped refreshing my own page for a million times) happy.
Is it insulting? Yes. Will it piss people off? Yes. Will I feel sorry and guilty? Yea huh. Would I lose friends? Probably.
Will I post it? Definitely.
Here you go: 10 types of women you need to avoid.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Where's the knife

According to this shitty advertising book I've got from some corner of my room, at the beginning of the third millennium the UK government suggested the following customer group classification. Despite it being rejected by marketers, let's have a look anyway:

Class 1 The Queen and owners of large companies.
Class 2 Company executives, managers of more than 25 people.
Class 3 Doctors, lawyers, scientists, teachers, librarians, insurance underwriters and computer engineers.
Class 4 Policemen, nurses, fire fighters, prison officers.
Class 8 Businessmen, newsagents, garage owners.
Class 9 Brick layers, driving instructors, TV engineers.
Class 12 Shop assistants, telephone operators, taxi drivers.
Class 13 Assembly line workers, cleaners and waiters.
Class 15 Skilled unemployed.
Class 16 Unemployed - previously worked.
Class 17 Unemployed, no skills - never worked.

Who wants to guess which class I belong to?
Yea, I feel like slashing some rabbit's ears off.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

T4XI


Showing on Valentine's day.

I thought the 3rd one was bad enough.
But I have to confess, that I watched the first one on SBS on new year's eve. In fact, I skipped the fireworks on channel 10.
I'm not sure what's with men and cars.
Take Top Gear for instance. We don't need the cars featured on the show. Heck, we can't afford the wheels featured on the show.
Yet, strangely, most guys are fond of it. Even Parky follows it on SBS. (although he does watch anything on TV.)
Maybe it's like how woman will keep buying Vogue magazine and drool on the dresses and shoes on it.
That's the shitty thing being a woman. Even if they could afford the shoes or dress, they need to have the figure or height to match.
And it's unfair. They don't have a 'gadgets' department to get all excited about. Well, for my mom, maybe a microwave oven. Or an ultra 8 way curling hair dryer. But that's the thing, it's still not like a 'boy toy' that goes up to 300, 000 pounds. And their gadgets are still objects to make them look or feel good.
Whereas for men, who the hell cares how you look like when you can afford a Porsche 911, or Mercedes McLaren?
It's not a matter of 'Hmm, do I look fat on this Mercedes?' It's more like 'I'm gonna walk away with your girlfriend tonight.'

Friday, January 12, 2007

Thanks Justin


I'm laughing and crying at the same time.
He has a website.

Babel


Mom, the Nintendo Wii is completely sold out.

This is one of those movies which you can't put a finger on its intention. Simply because, there are so many ways of doing so.
I knew I was going to develop a bias towards this movie once I discovered Tokyo was part of the story plot.
To relate the movie with its title, it's about God's attempt to confuse the previously uniformed language of humanity.
Or to sum it up: Brad Pitt had a really bad day.
It's about social stereotypes. It's about the failure to communicate with each other. It's about political stance. It's about the love of parents. It's about coping with death. It's about as real as it gets.
Why is it R rated? Young boy peeping at his own sister taking a shower with her permission; Young boy masturbates while his older brother plays with a rifle; young deaf girl without underwear licking her dentist; and a chicken got its neck snapped off.
You get the idea. Watch it.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Dear Harvard

Dear Harvard,

My girlfriend just asked me if I'd still love her if she got raped in the future. How should I fucking react?

Truly yours,
Still hiding in the toilet.

Mr. Still hiding in the toilet,

It means she will or have already cheated on you. You see, once you say yes, it literally means 'I will love you no matter what happens, and that includes you fucking another man.' Even if she's not cheating and asking you a 'hypothetical' question, you're still committed in a no win situation. Whatever shit happens, she will say 'but you promised to love me even if I got raped! And this is not even anywhere near me getting raped!' See my point? Now you can get out of the cubicle and slap her in the face. Or you can get out of the cubicle, kiss her on the face, say 'YES', then slap her in the face. Remember the naked pictures you took of her? Finally it's coming in handy. Have a good one, mate.

Love,
Harvard.

It has began. Apple reveals iPhone.


Did I hear millions of geeks ejaculating?

I am not one of them. However, my concern:

1. How much is this shit?
2. Will the battery last more than 2 hours?
3. Greasy finger prints.
4. Not in Asia till 2008. Australia included.
5. Does it vibrate?

Kinokuniya

I tend to visit bookshops whenever I travel. I don't know, maybe I want to confirm that my favourite books are sold everywhere.
I have, however, a problem with the travel books. Enter Lonely Planet, introducing Fodor's, Frommers, Let's Go, and the lot.
If you somehow pay attention, each bookshop will have the most of their own country's travel guide in stock.
Sydney will have a whole rack of Travel Sydney guides, Tokyo will have Tokyo, New York ,New York. (Except for Singapore. It's too small to have its own Lonely Planet guidebook. Lonely Planet features Malaysia, Singapore, and Brunei all in one. Buy one get two free!)
Ok, first off, travel books aren't real. Real people don't look like the people in travel books. The food looks better, colours are more saturated, and they always 'forget' to include photos of crowded tourists, armpit hairs, and that guy who spits on your knees.
Second, what the fuck are you, especially travelers, doing reading in a bookshop about traveling instead of actually traveling?
Maybe it's like Playboy, the bush and mountain seem better in photographs. You can bring them wherever you want.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

The father of indo mee


Momofuku Ando. (1910 - 2007).

First the God father of Soul, now this.
"Peace will come to the world when the people have enough to eat," said the inventor of Nissin cup noodle.
I remember visiting the Ramen Museum last year.
There's this gigantic portrait of Ando. Of course, I've forgotten all about it until I read his obituary this morning.
He had a heart attack at the age of 97. Now, since he invented the whole thing, I assume he eats instant noodles regularly.
And he still lived till 97. I have a feeling he's kicking it with James Brown somewhere, eating his cup noodles.
I hope kids aren't reading this, because when their mothers give them shit for eating instant noodles, they'll say ' So what? The inventor lived till 97. You're half his age and have more wrinkles!' Ok, that was harsh. But tee hee hee.

Friday, January 05, 2007

What does 200 calories look like


34 grams of peanut butter.

See the rest of the family here.
I think yesterday night was the one time I ate till my stomach hurt. We waited in the queue for 1.5 hours.
Yet the pork ribs at Hurricane, Bondi justified the wait.
I can also see the weight gain straight away. Not kidding. I think I've gone back to how I look pre- break up.
Although Eriko did say I look the same, I took that as a polite gesture. Yes, Moe's friend Eriko is visiting Sydney as well.
It was pretty strange yet interesting to meet up with someone who is a friend of a friend which I've only met 3 months ago.
We watched The Holiday. A typical 'love found in Christmas after disasters and heartbreaks but everyone still looks good' movie.
Best part of the movie:

Arthur: You don't have to wear it, it's pretty corny.
Iris: Don't worry, I'm looking for corny.

And I am still unemployed and a bum.