Friday, March 30, 2007

Friday

It's kinda scary, signing off something that will be printed for 100, 000 copies. Like, what if something goes terribly wrong?
Then again, it's only a brochure.

Getting inspected on tram is the best thing that could happen to a monthly ticket holder like me. That totally justifies the 90 dollar I had to pay. I saved 60 dollars if I were to get a 150 dollar fine.

You know how people jot down notes in meetings, like writing down a number and circling it over and over and over and over again? You think they'd really know what the number is all about when they return to their desk? 'Hmm, 42.' I mean, what if you've got lots of circles? Is there like a way to actually tell the difference?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

One small step for a man

Just like how the apes knew how to use bones to beat up each other as tools in Stanley Kubrick's Space Odyssey;
like the Wright brothers decided to drive themselves off a cliff;
or when someone decided to attach an eraser to the end of a pencil;
when the TV was invented;
when the CD was invented;
when my parents started to use a webcam;
as if St. Peter started smoking weed;

Parky has set up a blog.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

WTF is Jolimont?

Ok, all this while I've seen or read reports about Melbourne trains not being punctual and disorganised and perversive etc.
And I've been thinking 'mmeh'.
Until I had to loop around the city loop twice today I started to feel the 'big deal' of trains not being punctual and all.
Come to think of it, Connex must be earning shit loads. See, Australia doesn't have as many people as Malaysia.
And I'm sure Melbourne is not even close to being as big as KL. And KL is doing alright with its KTM and LRT and what not.
Yet Malaysians are not paying 6 dollars for a daily ticket or even 99 dollars for a monthly. So we are getting by with public transport as it is. Well then again, maybe the government is just taxing the shit out of automobiles, viagra pills and BBQ pork.
Anyway I fucking hate Connex. For a week now I still haven't arrived work on time, as in before 9am.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

A writer's table


As promised. Thanks Josh.

Trainman

So it's my 4th day working as a whatever.
Some one just glad wrapped my partner's work space. Everything. The chair, the computer, the files, the peculiar wig he has on the hat stand.
The pens, even. I'll try to get a photo.

The first meeting I had, that was 4 days ago, resulted in a discussion of what Ralph Fiennes was thinking screwing an air hostess.

My mom made me buy like 5 'decent workwear' when I was home. I'll just have to wear shirts and ties in the weekends.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Do something

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Taken in, choke, 1991


The class of 2H. Pin Hwa primary school (1).

Rehab


Hi, my name is Harvard. I've been offline for 4 weeks now.

How the hell can this be a first world country when it takes more than 3 weeks to set up a telephone line?
Not 300, not 200 but ONE line. ONE!
What sort of real estate agent doesn't keep a spare key for the tenant's apartment? How can we have water and electricity without an account?

Sitting here in this internet cafe in Chinatown makes me feel damn scared. It's like trespassing a completely different dimension. People are so serious about killing each other digitally. The guy next to me just had his base wiped out by a stealth nuclear bomber. And actually most of them are older than me.

For the past week I've been so frustrated without internet. So I made my way here, checked my mail, and then I sat there and thought: now what? What's the big deal? I now realise messenger, blogging, friendster and stuff aren't essential to our lives at all.

But then we are all so addicted. I wonder if they really do have a rehab centre for internet addiction, you know, having people dying in Korea etc. You think they hug verbally after each session? Ok guys, ({) to you too. Oh, and before I forget:

MASSIVE PHLOG UPDATE.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Empty highway

I was waiting for a red light.
This white collar Indian dude opened his Camry car door abruptly and put his head forward. I was expecting a spit.
Instead he took out a pencil and started sharpening it.
It was absurd. Yet, so 'as a matter of fact'.
Klang is a busy town after all.

Met up with my primary school mates.
Saw a picture when we were 8. Now that's a different type of absurdity. I looked so annoyingly happy.
And I find most of the little girls... cute.
At 2am, I realised I'm spending my last night in Klang in nostalgia. I'm so going to miss the unaustralian-ness of this place.
And the friends whom I can still pick where we'd left off the last time although we haven't seen each other for ages.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Visit Malaysia 07

Man: Oh, your last name is... Suzuki?
Girl: Yes, yes. Suzuki desu.
Man: So, your father is the boss of Suzuki motor? Vroom vroom... Eh? Suzuki yah? Vroom. Good motors...
Girl: .......

For the love of my life, I'd never expect to actually be there for this sort of conversation. It's something I'd joke and laugh about.
20 years ago when we're importing motorcycles, maybe. 10 years ago people might've not seen real Japs, yea understandable. 5 years ago, can close one eye still.
But definitely not a day ago, in 200fucking7, from a label artist in Pasar Seni, the cultural market which is only a main tourist spot.
Or well, maybe we're also trying to be cute.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Thank you little triangle

X and I were on our way to get my new glasses after getting his documents certified at IDP Subang.
While I was verbally abusing the college students (in the car with the windows shut, of course), his mom called.
Apparently his sister's almost-like-a-son dog, Sparky went missing. He crawled through a small hole of the wired gate, biting a man distributing junk mail, and ran away like well, like a dog that had bitten someone. I actually feel sorry for the man.
We drove back to Damansara and started looking around the area. Luckily a Cendol guy said he saw the dog dashing somewhere, minimising our search area.
It's very interesting to realise that when you look really hard, you can find a lot of cats and dogs around an area.
Or how when you're desperate, your eyes will automatically form a dog shape out of newspapers and plastic bags.
Anyhow, we found him 2 hours later in the rain.
One malay motorist slowed down and asked us if we're looking for something because we had the hazard signal on.
He brought us to the pooch.
And there Sparky was, dirt covered, sniffing around, probably trying to chew on some grass before realising he wasn't a cow.
When we got him on the car he was excited in a 'what's going on? why are you so happy? I want in!' sort of way.
But yea, when we returned home with the gates opening, we felt like the returning crew from Michael Bay's 'Armageddon'.
Sparky's mom and dad and grandmom thanked god and asked for all their relatives to pray for his safety prior to that.
Actually, my mind sorta gave up like, 2 minutes before the motorist stopped and gave us a rescuing stare.
For me, it's just amazing how a motorist can sense danger just by observing a dirty dog and a car with hazard signal on.
That'd be cool as a movie: Signalman. Fear not when you're in trouble, press that button and here comes Signalman!
'Excuse me, are you in a heavy rain?'
'Hello, do you have a flat tire?'
'Don't worry, you pressed it by mistake.'
Either way, poochie recovered. Mission accomplished. And yea, I got my new pair of glasses eventually.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Let's talk about shit

Ok, you probably shouldn't be eating right now.
I'm not sure if it's just me. But I find it extremely easier to take a crap in Malaysia. Maybe it's because of the moist weather, my submarines come out smooth and soft in an undisturbed manner.
Until 2 days ago I found out they're covered in blood.
I was scared and thought I was bleeding internally.
Finally, I decided to hold my horses and wait for a day or two. So this morning I stepped up to the toilet bowl, trembling.
To my horror I got red crap again.
It was weird, since, my anus didn't feel any pain or irritation. It's just that my faeces were bloody red.
Seconds after I made up my mind to seek help from my parents and open to the possibility of anal probing, I remembered:


I've been eating lots of dragon fruits.

It was a relief. It's like 'my ass wasn't bleeding! it wasn't bleeding! yearrgh! screw you you anal probing people!'
And then I flushed.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Did you know

that when requesting for the bill today, the girl asked if we wanted the receipt. Which, I asked what was the difference.
'We charge 5% more loh,' she said.
I cannot imagine how many taxation laws have been broken there, but Klang, is so awesomely cool.