So I was on a cab to work at 8am this morning. The cab driver was typical (Indian), and he had to look through the Melway for direction. That I could cope with. It happens. Eventually we were cruising along Victoria street towards Richmond. It's a pretty straight and long stretch. That I understand.
Until suddenly, I heard a snore.
My initial thought was that maybe I was falling asleep. But then again my fear told me I was pretty fucking awake. I look to my right, and my trusty Indian cab driver was really unconscious. I swear, my life was flashing back at that moment. Until my lips voluntarily formed into a hoop and shouted: HOEY!
The car swerved from left to right. My butt cheek went from loose to tight. And eventually I managed to stay alive. But seriously, after getting off the cab, I sat down on the curb and had a moment. Then I started laughing.
I like these ads not only because they're funny, but also because you don't see more than 3 seconds of the female species. They're a campaign built on a simple insight that's far away from sex, but also on a budget that's 1/10 of Australian beer companies. They've been cheering me up for the past week.
Have you ever seen a girl cry, and she has no idea why? I thought that only happens in movies. And my lecturer in Cinema Studies will refer that scene as 'the deciding point when the heroine realised that she's in love. And the reason she doesn't know why is that she's experiencing something that she's never experienced before. '
But you can't really say that in reality, can you? Like, 'Holy shit, this is the deciding point of the movie that you realise you're in love!'
That will just make me sound stupid, yes?
Also, have you seen a man running from one train station to another, chasing after something important in his life? You know, another one of those things that happens in movies which my lecturer will say: ' after the train door closes, the hero realises his mistake and regret, and decides to pursue the heroine.'
It doesn't really happen in real life, does it? Like, the train is actually faster than human. And sometimes, you end up at the wrong station, with really sore feet.
This is what happens when you put a can of Pepsi Max in the freezer and forgot about it until 24 hours later. All hail Boyle's Law aka P1V1=P2V2 aka PV = nRT aka shit explodes when you freeze them in the freezer.
Anyone remember Yoko-Yoko? It looks different from the image above because the one I currently possess is blue in colour. So it's kind of like a heat pack and burns off your muscle fatigue.
So keyword: burn.
I was in my pajamas watching Rove yesterday and my biceps were annoying me due to gym on Friday. So I managed to dig out this old Yoko-Yoko I sneaked in from home. See, I wanted to apply it without taking off my long sleeve sweater. My first option of going in through the sleeves was dismissed because they were too narrow and my arms were just plain fat. So I had to go in through the stomach. Before the stick managed to reach my biceps, it grazed through my chest.
Chest, which includes my nipple.
What followed after was a series of tears, fear, knocking on tables, panting, wheezing, 'woo - hoo!'s, and a bit of arousal. The stick found its way to the biceps in the end.
Watching this video makes me realise how isolated I've became from the non advertising world. Normally I cringe at any sort of inside humour, eg., jokes about IT, physics, pie charts regarding business (get it? Pies! Haha!) and vow only to appreciate jokes that could be appreciated on a global and non bias perspective. But I just can't stop laughing over this clip and I'd expect less people than the existing pandas in the world to get the joke. On that note, yesterday the account service sent out the artwork to the client before we (the creative department) got to see it. I guess I can blame Tom and Nick for that.
Today was the sort of day which I hold on to the train door for an old lady with a broken leg. And then she fucking stuck that hard rubber end of the crutches on my big toe. I thought it would've been strange for the guy across to see me holding the door and cursing at her the same time.
Today was also the sort of day which I realised I was in love. But that was 5 days ago. And now I'm all out of love.
The thing I hear a lot recently is the different office jargon for the word 'busy'. People seem to have trouble saying 'busy'. We have to say something like 'under the pump', 'under the hammer', 'under the thumb', 'churning', 'ass raped' (ok I made the last one up). However, my favourite will always be the quote from Stephen King: busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking competition. Or you can simply say 'FUCK OFF!' when people ask if you're busy.
The Indian cleaners of the agency come in everyday at 7ish. They're quiet people and they do their jobs. Jobs, such as emptying the recycling bins and normal bins into the same big fucking bins. Jobs like moping the floor and putting stuff into the dishwashers. Jobs such as smelling like an orgy of armpits.
Yes, they leave a trail of BO whenever the come in. If you don't memorise their path and do the limbo, sometimes you pass out and don't remember a single thing.
It's 6.49pm now and the remaining employers in the agency are laughing our heads off. Partly because a girl is trapped in the elevator, mainly because she's trapped with one of the cleaners. And to think today my partner and I were having such difficulty coming up with an idea for 'the unluckiest man on the world'.