Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Something I brought back from Sydney.

So why is it so fucking hard for girls to fall in love nowadays?

See, love used to be really simple. It was like buying durians. There're different ways to buy a durian: we go to the market, we choose from a giant barrel, we could ask the bearded monger for his recommendation, we could even ask our neighbour to buy a couple and then pay them back. In short, we wanted a fruit. We simply wanted dessert.

Modern love is also like buying durians, but through the eyes of some fucked up woman that lives on a high rise flat with a deranged mother-in-law. Yes, she might be also buying durians, but she ain't looking for dessert or a fruit. She's looking for a durian that would allow her to grow MORE durians. So she needs to know what the flesh is like, she does the 'shake, shake', she smells the anus, she needs to know the heritage (D24, beautiful), she needs to know why it is so green or why the thorns are so thin, she demands the bearded monger to slice off a piece so she could 'poke' the flesh, she made them consent to a refunding agreement. (seriously, I can't think of anything more pathetic than telling a durian monger ' if not fresh I come back and change ar!')

And would anyone be happy under that much scrutiny? Of course not. Even if you find the best durians that would lay golden eggs for you, you'd think somewhere there's something better. (Yea, I heard Ipoh there got a one armed uncle, only comes out on Friday, his durians can lay eggs, babysit and juggle at the same time.) The durian has lost its function as a fruit, and now has become a tool.

That's right, girls. You can't find love because you ARE NOT looking for love. You don't want love.

You want a career. You want to be wanted. You want to be pretty. You want to retire. You want to be respected. You want your man to be respected. You want a humble man. You want freedom. You want someone that your best friends want. You want to have children. You want to go to Europe. You want to be single when you go to Europe. You want to party. You want younger girls to drown. You want an apartment. You want a house. You want a yacht. You want tea parties. You want to stay healthy. You want chocolate cake. You want to enter a club and not feel old. You want success. You want to be gentle. You want to be strong. You want to be alone. You want someone to tell you you're doing great constantly.

You want ALL of the above, attached to a penis. But you don't want love.

No doubt you'll be successful and get what you want and become the CEO of this multi-national corporate enterprise growing shit loads of durians everyday. I bet my balls then even with your billboards saying how awesome they are, you don't have a clue what they taste like.