Thursday, February 25, 2010

Realoosation.

Today, I was cleaning the toilet.

While scrubbing and brushing off the soap scum and the abundance of clogged hair, I noticed that there were 3 bottles of cologne that were accumulated over the past 8 years of my life.

Someone told me that after 6 months or so, cosmetics can expire. I thought it was bullshit. The marketers simply created this gimmick so that people would use up all their perfumes and fragrances within 6 months and maintain the spending power.

And then it struck me: Why aren't cosmetics and fragrance companies targeted for global warming? Surely these products are unnecessary(if bottled water are claimed to be harmful to the environment, surely bottled water with chemicals do too). And surely they pollute the air, as fragrant as they can be.

And then it double struck me: Even environmentalists stink. And even environmentalists hate people with B.O. Most of all, most environmentalists are women.

What's worse than the planet dying? The planet is dying and we don't have our best make up on, that's worse than the planet dying.

Monday, February 15, 2010

This ad is awesome because


1. The low budget.
2. Sweet target market.
3. The talent.

Most of all, it's hilarious.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The story of a slutty bitch.

This is a sad story.

My family once bought two dogs, which we named 'Ah Boy' and 'Ah Girl' according to their gender. One night my father came home drunk and accidentally ran over Ah Girl's foot. We sent her away and she was never heard from since.

Probably a year later, my sister picked up a small stray puppy from the road. We named her 'Lucky'. Ah Boy finally had a play mate. They were happy for a long time. Ah Boy was in love.

One day, Lucky went missing. Ah Boy was devastated. He was clinically depressed. He didn't even feel like singing along with the mosque prayer like he always did.

A couple of weeks later, Ah Boy noticed Lucky emerging from the horizon of the grass field next to our house. He was happy. He hit the roof. But when he looked properly he saw that Lucky was followed by 5 other dogs. They were in different colours such as yellow, black, spotty and white. Ah Boy was so jealous he almost chewed through his cage.

Few months later, Lucky gave birth to half a dozen of pups. They were in different colours such as yellow, black, spotty and white. Lucky ran away with the 5 dogs and left her kids. Ah Boy loved the pups like they were his own, hoping that Lucky might return one day to him.

My family gave the pups away eventually. I remember one of my primary school mates taking the white one with the blue eyes.

Ah Boy grew old alone. He was hurt and broken. When he died we buried him under the empty land across our house, which is now occupied by a large mansion. The owner of that mansion died of cancer a few years ago.

This was a sad story.

Friday, February 05, 2010

Identity.

This is a confession of a massage addict.
I'm not sure when it started, but I think my hook-up initiated from some traditional Chinese treatment that resulted extreme bruising. And ever since then, I'd became a masochist.
One thing I like about going to the shops is that most of the parlors are operated by Chinese. And sometimes by speaking in Mandarin, they'd think I'm also from China. Sometimes my Mandarin would give away my Malaysian identity. So you can say that it has become a test for my Mandarin skill. Now I've managed to obtain a 75% success rate from getting detected.

The interesting thing I found out recently, is that after they asked how long I've been in Melbourne they'd followed up with a question: ' So have you obtained your identity? '

The first time I had no clue. But what they meant was Australian PR. From a Chinese's point of view, you have no identity in Australia until you've been given permanent residency.
Sometimes I wanted to tell them, ' Well even if you have PR... '

But I was in disguise as a Chinese and all I could do was nod along.