Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Despicable MY.



Watch the short video above.

Wouldn't it be a great day if I were to tell you that these were Malaysians jumping queue and rushing in to vote for the last election?

Or that they're fed up with the government and are starting a protest against the injustice and corruption in the country?

But alas they are simply trying to get into McDonald's to get their hands on the cute toys. Because in Malaysia, cute overrides democracy by default.

Bear in mind, these are adults. So the 'young and ignorance' plea does not apply here.

If this was a test, the correct answer should've been: fuck you and your toys, I want a fair government. What's the point of having toys when they won't have a future?

But the temptation was too strong, I  mean look at the cute toys! Who can possibly resist them?

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Optus goes Olympic.

At 19 I arrived at the country. I used the public phone to call home.
(With the calling cards. Remember that you gen-y piece of shit?)

Then I tried to sign up for a plan. Telstra looked too cold and expensive.
Vodafone and 3 were still setting up shop, didn't really trust the Dodo bird, so I opted for Optus. (They have more animals, they must be better.)

Then I got stung by unexpected fees.
Sometimes the bills cost more than my Siemens phone.
I got out of the contract as soon as possible. (2 years.)

This is when I fooled around with other brands like Vodafone (because it's foreign it must be better) or 3 (if they can give out free video chat they must be awesome). But slowly I realised it really didn't matter because they all sucked.

When I found out pre-paid is actually the way to go, I was already in the workforce, 5 years later.

That's when I realised normal white suburban Aussie 'mates' use Telstra and they use all that BigPond crap, even when they know it's just a internet device that deadlocks your content with ads. Let me simply put, if you don't care about money, you use Telstra.

And that was roughly the time when Optus started using real animals in their ads, missing the point of having the animals to disconnect consumers from real life situations in the first place. (The marketing board directors shouting: Business is down? It must be the animals. No don't kill them, make them play soccer!)

Vodafone was my choice because I could cap my spending at $29 a month with $300 credit and rubbish 3G connection. ($26 if you recharge from Safeway.) Meanwhile 3 was going 'psssssss' like a deflating balloon. Virgin was like 'I'm just here because my dad wants me to be here'.

So fast forward to 2012 there's a huge restructuring as they called it, no more discounted prepaid plans. I graduated to Telstra, still prepaid, still cared about money, but happy to not have to care about signal losses and what not.

And the funny thing is that Telstra rebranded as a more upbeat, colourful brand. 3 was no more. Not sure of the difference between Vodafone and Virgin since they're both red. Optus was still trapped between animals and a very fast but somehow tangible 4G yellow cube you can hold in your palm but kinda blew your face away.

Until this year.

Sorry for the absolute bollocks of a lead up. I initially planned to just share a YouTube video, but  I guess it's good to provide a bit of context.

I'm sure by now you've seen the big Optus rebrand that has all designers walking around in a wet dream coma state:

You can see the complete suite here.

My feeling is that I can't feel any prouder, to be a Telstra customer.

No seriously, it's actually a compliment to Optus. If I'm still 19 as a university student, or even 23 working as a junior, I'd love this new character to give Telstra the finger. To make me feel all cute, and relevant and cool. Truth is I'm a cynical Asian running a business now. I am not their target market.

They've done a great job polarising the market, and the plan is obvious. Why fight the blue Telstra when you can destroy the red double Vs first? And the timing can't be better, because they've got this case study that the public really likes cute stuff (cue Dumbways to Die). As much as my dreaded cynicism is yelling 'It's telco, no one gives a shit as long as it's cheap and reliable', I really hope it works.

p.s. Yesterday I was watching daytime TV. And they're doing this infomercial with the logo bang smacked at the bottom left hand corner. I guess amidst the big rebranding mock up they didn't think about how the logo or typeface would look with a lot of crappy text on TV.

It actually looks a lot like ... a Dodo ad.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

我回来了。

部落格设计复古,干脆语言也复古吧。
就以中文打头阵。

刚刚了jht的《阿尼》,翻到后页,发现《第一次亲密接触》竟然是98年的事。
十五年前。
西元还是一字头的时代。
Shit。

然后想起他过去十部作品,记忆是模糊的。
闭上眼睛,都是口齿伶俐的水利工程师在大学时代排除万难寻得花丛中一朵鲜花的故事。

jht的世界里,大学生活是充的。
美女是善良的。
丑男是有才的。
人生甚至是幽默的。

当时对一个高中生来,是血沸的励志小
在年迈三十了, 却反而得是毒
不禁让我想起黄子华说过的一句:失恋听情歌,有如在家开煤气关窗。
不善于利用会搞出人命的。

记忆中除了《亦恕与珂雪》以外,jht甚少谈到大学毕业后结交到异性的故事。

所以,这是重点。
要浪漫,得在大学毕业前。

如果你身,也年迈三十了,而依然在向往jht世界的偶然邂逅,知趣挑逗,甚至是社交联谊,暧昧赏月等。
You‘re going to have a bad time。
不是说不可能。但难易度达神人级。
除了才,也要,亦不能缺撞采的采。 

若你是女性,身,年迈三十,而依然相信天意,分,命中注定垂手可得。
相信男生是单纯的,善良的,体贴的,包容的,文静的,而且单身的。
You're going to have a bad time。
不是不可能,但机率有如求撞破任督二脉之遇。
干脆研究洲股市吧。

若你是男性,身,年迈三十,而相信纸币挡不住你志气的烈火,才能的光耀。
有朝一日腼腆的准夫人会以犹抱琵琶半遮面的形似出现,不计金钱名利在月台拥抱,然后含泪一句“我等你”。
You're going to have a bad time。
不是说不可能,嗯,算了,就是不可能。

得当年澳洲功力很菜,遇台湾女生就自动认为一定很有气
结果发现天下女人一般爱帅哥。
就受了现实大耳光。

我不是教你气馁,也不是数落陪伴着我十四年的网络作家。
只是教你看清世界。
有时人往往忽略了现实与虚构之间的落差,跌得一脸狗吃屎。

Sunday, July 07, 2013

Surprise, muthafucka.

While people are engaged in creating a totally different world, they always form vivid images of the preceding world.

Smart man, Mr. McLuhan.

Hi Parky, hope you like the new/old layout.