Sunday, July 10, 2005

God, you're cuddly!

Stereotyping. Generalisation.
All of us do that. Like, oh Chinese school students suck ass in speaking English. Or, Malays are plain incompetent. Or, Asian girls are easy to get if you're rich, good looking and white. Or simply, black guys have giant cocks.
But what proof have we got when we make such statement? From stupid R&B music? Hollywood movies? From our friend's friend's cousin? What? From newspapers?
I've never seen a black man's cock. I've never worked together with an actual bumi before. I'm not white, so I can't tell you how easy it is to get an Asian chick. Or guy.
Ok. Chinese students DO suck ass in English. That I can prove. I've been studying there for 12 years.
Something else I've got proof and experience, and not 'according to a friend of mine', is that guys are dumbfucked whenever a girl is crying in front of them.
I've had 4 similiar experiences. And most of the time I just sat there and nodded. Say 'uhuh', and nodded again.
And all 4 times, they are crying over guys. Not all of the are of break ups, some were about what a guy said, some were about what a guy didn't say. Some were about a guy leaving.
I hope there's a Man's Survival Guide to Crying Females on the market. And you get instructions like:

Step 1: Hug the designated object. Preferbaly the arms around shoulder. NEVER attempt to give a face to face hug as her tears and mascaras will stain your shirt.
Step 2: Offer tissue/toilet paper. You should remove a couple of sheets off for her and leave the box on the table, with style.
Step 3: Offer warm drinks. Tea or coffee would do. Hot Chocolate would be optimum. Use thermal mug so fingers don't get burnt.
Step 4: Nod and say 'uhuh'. Remember, you can't offer solutions. Just let them cry and let it all out. This step would consume the most time. Allow 15-20 minutes to simmer.
Step 5: Tell jokes. Irony helps. Sometimes toss in some compliments. Recommended phrase: He's gonna regret this.
Step 6: At the end of the session ONLY you should give her a face to face hug. Optimum time of fusion: 4 minutes.

Something like that would be most useful. Instead of me sitting there and not doing anything. Haiya, everybody hurts.
Now my room is filled with the aftertaste of tears. Again.