Monday, January 30, 2006

Dark matter

After being in the state of photosynthesis* for a whole afternoon, I decided to go jogging during the evening.
The stadium was kinda packed.
It was not until the 3rd lap that I realised out of the 40 people walking/running on the tracks, I was the only Chinese.
I broke into a cold sweat, which mixed with my hot sweat and started vapourising. Oklah, I was exaggerating.
Another few laps later, some 'Tai Chi' uncles started coming in and walked slowly that made me felt less threatened.
And then I felt depressed. I must be the only pathetic 22 year old that jogged on the second day of Chinese New Year.
But at least the Chinese are enjoying themselves.

*Photosynthesis. n. The process in green plants and certain other organisms by which carbohydrates are synthesized from carbon dioxide and water using light as an energy source. Most forms of photosynthesis release oxygen as a byproduct.

Happy Chinese New Year 2006

Especially to you bitches out there. It's the year of the dog.

So tell me, do you turn off the safe search function in your Google search engine? You know to search for naughty pictures and stuff.
Well, I don't use safe search. And the sick perverted shit I had to go through to get this picture. Arrgh!
Yea, try typing 'dog sex' or 'dog intercourse' while switching off safe search. Though I strongly recommend you not to.
Not for the ill hearted or weak stomach. Thanks.
Damn quiet for me this year. It's only the second day and I'm sitting here surfing for pictures of dogs humping each other.
Not a good sign. Not good at all.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Again, if only women worked this way

Why no steam one?

Can you actually believe the food in the picture are fake? They're made out of plastic. It's just a display case.
A freaking wax musuem for food. Yet unlike wax museums, the models look better than the real food.
It's not that I've never seen this here or in Melbourne before, just that I think Jap ones are more realistic.
And it's not cheap. One little plastic sushi cost 2000 yen, which is 60 ringgit or 20 aussie dollars. Who'd buy them?
I guess it's another fetish thing. Like planes and trains and blow up dolls, some people collect inedible food.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

My fasha likes Goooooaaaald

Suits the Shaolin 18 bronze fighter.

Nothing special you say? It's just a yellow coloured temple you say? You've seen enough in China you say?
Well my friend, this yellowish temple is made out of gold.
Gold: Bears the symbol Au on the periodic table. Has an atomic number of 79 and weighs 196.96655. Number 11 under the Coinage metal group. Period number 6.
Good conductor of heat and electricity, and is unaffected by water and most reagents. Commonly found in sea water.
Yea nothing much, just the most valuable currency in the entire fucking world. Just something women'd go crazy for.

It's called Kinkakuji (Golden Temple). There's another Ginkakuji (Silver Temple) in Kyoto, but it's not made out of silver.
Maybe they ran out of budget on the golden one.
Actually we're not allowed to go near it, so I wouldn't be surprised to find out it's not real gold anyway.
Besides, how can the building support itself since gold is so fucking heavy? Maybe it's just the outer layer?
Cheh, just like the Ah Bengs in USJ with their metalic gold sports car kancil. You can buy the paint at any stationary shops.

Flower on the other mountain looks better

Tank, I need an exit.

Yea. This was my rental phone in Japan, which looked so much better than the one I've got here.
Stupid Japanese phones only usable in Japan.(duh!)
But yea, their phones are really cool. All got 3.2 megapixel camera. And Australia was all proud of their 1.3 megapix phone.
Don't make my ass laugh, please.

Green tea Man

You think they'd be pissed if I ask for coffee?

Erm. Yea. See the ice cream? It's green tea flavoured. See the cream? It's green tea. See the little pieces of cake? Uhuh. Macha.
In fact everything in green is green tea flavoured.
They even serve hot green tea to go with your dessert. I think I gained weight just by shaking hands with the boss.
The review? Erm, let me ask you: if you were to go into an Indian restaurant and they serve you different sorts of curries. What'd you think you'll say after sampling all of them?
You don't eat spicy food? Erm. Well, that wasn't what I was expecting. But yea, if it makes you happy.

Friday, January 27, 2006

It's so funny it's sad

Columbian man accidentally killed nephew while trying to scare his hiccups away. Man later commited suicide.
This is why Malaysia can't have guns among the people. We're so dumb I'm sure these stuffs happen all the time if we do.
Unfortunately the Columbian government overestimated its nation's intelligence. Seriously, what the fuck?
You know the world's fucked up when you get killed just for having hiccups. No the hiccup didn't kill the nephew, stupidity did.


I'll be ready.

This is the Yokohama Bay Bridge. This suspension bridge was completed in 1989. It features a 'Skywalk' and an observation lounge at one of the tower.
It's sorta like the Sydney Harbour Bridge.
Too bad we didn't actually have time to go up.

OEI! THIS IS THE PENANG BRIDGE LAH! Haven't realised yet? Notice the WAJA in the corner?
I took this photo 1 month before I left for Japan. Lesson of the story: 1. Good photo makes a difference. 2. All bridges look the same. 3. You have to be more observant.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

He actually took out a fan

Wel -croak- come!

Erm, this guy's the owner of a restaurant in Gion, Kyoto. Where if you're lucky you get to see real Geishas. (I saw five!)
Doesn't he look like that frog manager from Spirited Away? No? Well I think he looks like a frog anyway.

This one is for Justin

So you think Mr. Yamada's rich?

Outside Yamada Building. 2 minutes before it started raining and shivered the bone marrow out of my spine.
Doesn't it just remind you of some big screw hole? That there might be some big ass screwdriver that will drill through it one day? Or rather, God's toilet bowl.
Wouldn't it be so cool to have a toilet bowl like that? I know I'd enjoy it. Other Gods will be so envious of me.
I wonder what's the design concept for the building. Some modernistic shit intertwined with the flow of time I pressume.

Staircase to Heaven

Hey this is actually going down! And heaven's not fiery!

Inside Yamada Building. I just thought it'd be cool to put up some abstract photos. There's nothing much I can say about it. Hehe.
An escalator in Japan is still an escalator.

Forest of steel

I've got one hand in my pocket, and the one's giving a peace sign.

The 45th floor Ebisu Glass Tower. I think. I might've made a mistake. It's just somewhere in Ebisu Garden ok?
I know what you're thinking.
You see these uprise photo that I took and you say: Wow. So amazing. Such good landscape. So nice. So jealous. So envy.
Actually it didn't take much trouble to take a photo like this. I just pushed a button and entered an elevator.
When I was up there at the top level, I didn't feel any breeze, I couldn't feel the wind. In fact, I couldn't even hear shit as I was standing behind this 1 metre thick glass wall that cancelled out any senses you have except for sight.
I took a photo, I went into the washroom, and I push a button and descend. Nothing romantic about it. Really.
If you've been on one of those towers or tall ass buildings before, you'd probably understand what I'm saying.

Time out

Isn't that a brand of ice cream?

Ok. Let's take at half time break from my Japanese update and talk about movie reviews! Yay! And an old one from 1999!
Yea, remember I was saying I got kinda sick and not well on my 5th day in Japan? Yea, I decided to take a break on the 7th day and do nothing but rest at Sho's place. His mother and he are just too kind and brought me to rent a movie in a DVD shop.
Magnolia popped out from my mind because I remember reading in some magazines that it's voted No.1 for 'most shocking ending'.
Fight Club came second. SECOND! So I thought, this better be some serious sick eye popping ending you're talking about.
So I guess I sorta had a high expectation on the movie before I even started watching it, expecting it to be twisted and all.
Honestly? I felt disappointed towards the end.
Didn't expect it to be a 3-hour drama about pain, suffering, forgiveness, redemption... you know, all that jazz.
The starting of the movie really sucked me in I must say. With all the talk about coincidence and chances.
And don't get me wrong, it's a brilliant movie. Great acting from everyone, even Tom Cruise. He's good. And I hate Tom.
If I were to watch the movie without the hype being built behind my head, I'd be blown away in awe.
But yea, my initial feeling was: What? That's it?
It did have a hell of an ending though. Ending wise, yea it beat Fight Club. But I can still remember the shit in my pants when I finished Fight Club for the first time.
Then again, Magnolia was a brilliant movie. Definitely watch it whenever you can. Like tomorrow.
Lots of memorable lines too: 'We might be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us'. 'Now that we've met, would you object never to see me again?' ' I will not apologize for who I am'. 'Things fall down. People look up. When it rains, it pours.'
And the soundtrack is a huge part of the movie's success. Mostly done by Aimee Mann. Go download it from limewire or something.
Search her up and look for 'Wise up' and 'One'.

What trees?

See that couple having sex in the hotel?

I hate Godzilla. He has all the great view of Tokyo, although he always tries to destroy it with fire breath and hip hop killer moves.
Yea, finally, a night cityscape of Tokyo. If you reverse the picture it actually looks like the machine world in the Matrix.
I want to see the commanding baby face: SSHPEAK!
We were on the Tokyo Metropolis Building by the way. After not being able to find Park Hyatt Hotel, we settled for this.

Sayuri! Sayuri!

And the hotel is just next door, coincidence?

I don't know. This lighting thingy in Shinjuku just reminds me of those Japanese drama moments.
You know, when the guy realises his true love was the cleaning lady and had to dash from some company ballroom.
Cue in some Korean 'I believe' song and people walking against him in slow motion, yea, that's your default scene.
If I were to have a girl with me, she'd be dead. I'd put my scarf around her neck, hand her a warm instant Starbucks coffee, 'accidentally' held her hand, you know.
Too bad I was with Sho instead. And we walked off pretty fast, like any other people around us. Reality bites.

They pronounce Latte 'Ra-te!'

I thought Seattle only has rain?

Definition of a developed country: country that sells instant Starbucks coffee in convenience stores.
Seriously, this is way too much for me to handle.
I'm not a Starbucks fan. But when they actually sell instant packet Latte, how can I ever resist trying?
And I'm kinda embarrased to admit that it's actually quite good. I don't know if it's actually Seattle style.
But it's damn good instant coffee for 210 yen. Which is actually a tad expensive from their normal 150 yen price range.
Damn corporate brands. What do they want next? Modify our teeth genetically into a straw shape so that we can suck their instant coffee and reduce polution?

A bit moist if you ask me

Pink costume: I'm so jealous.

There it is. The maid costumes I was talking about from Akihabara. And I was there, feeling up the erm, material.
Well, yea, just to prove my point. Unfortunately they ran out of sizes for me. Satomi and Riyo where too shy to try it on. Bleh.
Picture courtesy of James. Actually he didn't really approve it, I just nicked it off him. Yay for crap intelligence property law!

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Bone Collector

I don't think they accept ringgit for tips do they?

In comparison to the one ringgit note, you can sort of figure out the size of a medium bowl Ramen.
James had a large. Should have taken the picutre.
By the way, that's James' middle finger holding the note. Isn't that cute? Aw pokey little itsy Jamsey's finger.
That was my second bowl, by the way. And I still finished before James. He's a slow eater ok? I'm not a pig. No. (Oink). Shit.

If only women worked this way

Yerr, how come cannot watch TV?

Yea, that thing I was holding there? It's a fucking menu, which, you can order by simply touching the food you want.
You can even play games and read your horoscope.
A portable touch pad with the size that's bigger than my toilet bowl at home. That's Japanese technology for you. Ribbit.


Where're the elephants and dinosaurs?

I know I should've put some picture of Shibuya from the very beginning. But the place is so freaking huge that I can't actually get a good picture.So yea, this is the best I can do.
The big purple screen up there, yup, that's the legendary big screen of Shibuya. The one with dinosaurs crossing in 'Lost in Translation'. It's strange, how I wanted to experience the moments in the movie. You know, see everything Bill Murray and Scarlett Johanson saw, do what they did etc.
Yet I've completely forgotten about it until I saw this picture of Shibuya. I've had my very own experience in Tokyo.
I guess, everyone has their own place of Japan in their heart. How's that for a tourism headline? 'No Japan's like your Japan'.

But I just had breakfast

I have no idea this is how Tempura's supposed to look like.
And yea, it's the best Ten-don I've ever eaten in my life. And I had it just next to the train station, in a chain store called Tenya.
Don't you just hate it when you've eaten something authentic and realised what you've been eaten so far are just crap.
Worst, some people take pride in it, making comments like: Oh, I just looove tempura's in Melbourne!
Guess what? Tempuras in Melbourne suck balls.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Gee, that's high

Got elevator or not huh?

Just like the Auckland Sky Tower, or the KL Tower, or the Sydney Tower, or the Melbourne Rialto Tower, it's nothing much.
You know these towers are pretty much the same: you go into an elevator, you go high up, and you enjoy the view.
Yet it's just something you think you should do. And yea, I went up to Tokyo Tower just to tell people that I went to Tokyo Tower.

Clock ticking anti clock wise

So many (Ra)men, so little time.

I wanted to be cultural and stuff, you know. Visiting shrines and all the historical sites of Yokohama.
But when I found out there's a Ramen museum in Yokohama, I thought: fuck culture and knowledge, I'm pigging out.
Which is what I did with Satomi. The museum has two basement levels with geewiz, what a surprise, Ramen stores.
It was set up as if you're in the 1930s of Japan.
You get Ramen from Hokkaido, Kyushu, Tokyo; you get miso soup base, shoyu soup base, tonkotsu soup base.
Luckily each store sells a mini bowl, which means you can sample around. Unfortunately I could only take two bowls.
But I ate two Koroke's* as well, which comes in miso or shoyu flavour. The batter was covered with crunchy Ramen.
The ground floor is technically an instant noodle workshop and gallery. You can customise your very own Nishin cup noodles.
I say it's well worth my trip.

*Koroke: fried mashed potato and meat in a thick batter.

Twins are a different story

Satomi and sister, Marie.

Friends' siblings are interesting subjects.
Let's say that your best friend has a really hot brother/sister. Would you actually pick him/her up?
I've seen people doing that. 25 year old graduate going out with his 18 year old friend's brother's classmate.
Or 30 year old doctor with high school pal's little sister.
These sort of stuff disturbs me.
Wouldn't your friend sort of think you're a perv after that? No? You don't see anything wrong with it?
Ok. Imagine your best friend making out with either of your parents (both if you want to go all the way).
Ah, that got you thinking didn't it? Isn't that the same thing? No, don't tell me it's different. It's still your family!
Friends and family don't mix. Literally.

Yea. Some of you are ok with it. I'm just saying I'm not. It's eecky. It's wrong. It's against th- what? What did you say?
Did I make a move on Satomi's sister? You're insulting my personality and intelligence just by asking me that question!
Besides, she can't understand much English. Wait, did I just said that? It didn't mean anything. Hey.

Autumn in New York

You think Japanese snowmen are shorter?

Prior to realising that I was gonna get fucked up the anus in the airport the next day, I was happily enjoying the snow in Shibuya.
It's been a while since I've seen snow. Say, 10 years ago in New Zealand? Wait, maybe 7 years ago in Mines Wonderland.
It's the most beautiful thing in nature I've seen. No, actually Miho Kanno is still more beautiful. Drool.
However, it was really slippery. And we were under the umbrella most of the time. And of course, the cold was killing us.
Like women, the snow is nothing but trouble wrapped by a sweet coat of beauty and elegance. Heck, some women aren't even beautiful. Just some serious ugly trouble.


It was 11:30am on the 23rd day of the first month of the year 2006. The destination was Narita Airport, Tokyo.
Another 30 minutes and I'd have been stuck there for 24 hours. I haven't shaved nor showered. Sitting on my own trolley, I could sense my body odor oozing through the collars and sleeves of my shirt, only to realise that it came from the Indian guy 30 metres away. I have queued for 18 hours in total. A women was shouting in Korean inside the counters.

My flight was supposed to be on the 22nd of January. 14:30. When I arrived at the airport at 12:00, it was a total mess.

At 19:00, 7 hours of queue later, my flight was cancelled.

Now I had to go to another queue to reschedule my flight. 2 hours later at 21:00, I got in contact with the first counter girl of the day.
She told me in the Jappy apologetic matter that the next flight I can get on will be on the 25th, which was 4 days later.
If you were in my shoes, queuing up for 10 hours and not eating with 3 lugguages to take care of, you'd probably felt like drilling her mouth with an egg-beater too.
But then again, she's DAMN cute.
So I resulted in what I do best - bullshitting. I gave her a straight face, and slowly uttered: Listen. My. Visa. Expires. Tomorrow.
Which, was a total lie as my visa wasn't expiring until the 26th of January. And luckily for my ass, she didn't even bother to clarify.
My flight was booked for the 23rd at 13:30. And the girl told me to start checking in at 7:00 the next morning.
And then she gave me a sleeping bag.

That was it. No hotel accomodation, no further instructions, not even a fucking thank you or sorry.
I was talking to this Taiwanese girl, and she said that her parents saw this on the news back home and apparently only white people got accomodated in hotels.
The Australian teacher behind me was cursing with her son. Her son actually said: America should have dropped 4 bombs.
And the Singaporean auntie behind them was planning to lie her way through by saying she has diabetes and she has no more medication. If there's anywhere you'd never want to be at two days ago, Narita Airport was definitely THE place.

So at 0:00, I got myself in a corner with my sleeping bag and tried to sleep. Only to be disturbed by some guy with the loudest snore. And the occasional yet inaudible announcements.
6:00, I woke up to find everyone was queuing up again. But this time it was slightly better than the day before. It took me 3 hours to get to the front of the security counter.
And they told me they were only accepting check-ins for flight before 11:00, and I could do nothing but wait.

So there I was, 24 hours later, in the same area of proximity.
It wasn't until 12:30 that they let me in, only to queue up with other people who're trying to check in for 13:30 flights.

My counter girl, Miss Mashima, was again, so DAMN cute! I know what these JAL bastards are doing. The oldest trick in the book.
But then again, she's sooooooooo cute. And she seemed so nice and kind and kept apologizing. I couldn't do anything but to chat her up, using all the Japanese phrase that I could. She even gave me the emergency exit seat so that I can stretch my legs. It was quite enjoyable to say the least.
It really amazes me how fragile this system is. All you need is a night of snow, some FUCKING snow! and it all collapses.
I really thought Japan was an all efficient country and all. But after this, I realised, the bigger and better you are, the more crap you get when shit hits the fan.

Oh, and being in the airport I got to see the new Nike Max 360. Apparently the whole sole is air-ed. Coolness.
I have to say I felt a bit sad leaving Narita Airport. After all, I did spend a night there. It was starting to felt like home. I even made friends with some of the workers and stranded victims like me, though I never bothered to remember their names.
Oh what the fuck I'm talking about. It's like crash landing for an unforgettable flight of travel. It's the worst airport experience for me ever. Actually, erase 'airport' from the last sentence.

Friday, January 20, 2006

No English word for 'yoroshiku'

My hairdresser: Miss Mitsumi.

After realising I can't make her understand the difference of 'short' or 'thin' to her, I knew that I was kinda fucked.
Luckily Sho was there to help out.
I think he was kinda worried as well. Kept telling me if I weren't happy about anything I should tell him.
My thought: too late.
So how's my hairstyle you ask? Well, let me ask this question then: would it make any difference?

Thought so. Fear not girls, I'm still a stud.

Humour me, Watson

I know Japan is well known for its fashionable fashion and all. But tell me, seriously, is the shoe on the right not the ugliest shoe you've seen in your whole life?
No? Well, you're the 'man!' then.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

I still can't afford them

I'm sorry. This is still about Japanese porn.
Ok. Let's say that each floor can accomodate 20 cupboards. And each cupboard can easily fit in 1000 DVDs. (I'm talking about ceiling to floor cupboards here.)
Good. So that's 20000 per floor. Five floors will roughly contain 100000 DVDs of porno. 4:3 widescreen version.
Let's stay that each porn star in Japan has a healthy career, and has an average of 20 epic titles, with subtitles.
That's still equivalent to 5000 porn stars.
How's that? On my 30 minutes subway train ride from Shibuya to Akihabara I actually culculated the minumum amount of porn stars in Tokyo to kill time.

Of course I couldn't actually share that with James, Sho, Satomi and Riyo who were on the train with me.
Akihabara is like a Japanese version of Lau Yat. Computer geeks and nerds or so called 'Otaku' roam the earth of Aki-Land.
We went into this building with 7 floors of hobby figures. The final floor sells bar maid costumes. No shitting here.
Oh yea, Akihabara is also famous for maid-cafe's. It's like a cafe, and you get girls in costumes serving you. Maybe she'll chat and play cards with you, serve you tea etc.
We wanted to try that. Yet we got sucked into the Sega city and started playing the Taito drum game.
I realised I've got a natural talent for that game.

Dinner at Shibuya again. At some fancy looking Izakaya with illuminated floors. Can't actually remember what I've eaten, but I'm sure I finished a pitcher of beer with James. I drank at least 4 mugs of beer. Ah, the redness... of my face, of course.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'll stick with my imagination, thanks

Afternoon at Yebisu.
The fucking Photography Museum's closed on Mondays. After all the trouble of rushing and getting there, CLOSED.
Anyway spent some time at the Garden Tower. And I realised Ogilvy & Mathers Tokyo is on the 25th floor.
If you don't know, they're kinda big shot firm in advertising.
I took the lift up, went up to the receptionist and asked if she speaks English. Of course she does. And I started bullshitting that I'm an overseas student doing a research on Advertising Firms around Tokyo and if I could visit the office.
Of course she called my bluff. Haha. Not really, she gave me the same cocky corporate answer: Aiiii mu soreee yiuu shud corntak the Pee Ahru department and make appointoment.
Oh well, at least I got a free brochure and saw the waiting room.

Shinjuku, evening.
Shinjuku is a more grown up version of Shibuya. Mainly because of the Kabukicho. King Street in Melbourne if you know what I mean.
I spent 2 hours in the 8-storey Kinokuniya, which only one floor (foreign books) actually mattered to me.
And then I walked into a DVD store. Only to realised they sell two cupboards amount of normal DVDs. The rest were Japanese AV porn.
The store was 5 storey high.
So that's like 4.95 storeys worth of porn. I didn't stay long, maybe for like 30 seconds. Not that I didn't want to, just that a copy costs 3000 yen. That's like 100 ringgit, or 30 aussie, which I can't afford.
Fact no. 39: being horny in Japan cost a lot too.

Monday, January 16, 2006


The electricy bill can support Zimbabwe.

I don't actually think you can spot the difference between Tokyo and Osaka. It's just another huge city anyway, right? You ignorant crap.

Well, Osaka reminds me of Singapore. I don't know why. Maybe it's a big city, but not THAT big. Just like how Singapore is a fine country, but not THAT fine. Besides Osaka girls are 4612384072 times better looking. Oklah, 46 times la. You're only 46 times uglier.
Went to the Osaka Castle. Although there're lots of historical facts and exhibition. Except for some names like Nobunaga, I don't actually understand what's going on. For me it's just another time when people have war with kitchen knives.
Took this photo on Yamada Building. My awe lasted for 2 minutes as it was FUCKING cold and raining. So appreciate this picture you @#$!

I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell

Ice Kacang anyone? Bring your own kacang.

It is my 5th day here and I am feeling overwhelmed.
I think it is just a reaction to the sudden change of environment and rushing around tokyo to kyoto to osaka and back to tokyo again.
Woke up this morning feeling dizzy and wanted to throw up.
Fact No. 82: They have prawn burger in McDonald's here. It's called Ebi Fillet Burger. It's an interesting experience.
And I actually saw the National Ekiden for high school women. So lucky. They're so hot. Actually women partially covered are all hot.
Fact No. 10: You can ask electronic shops to charge your camera batteries for you. And it's free of charge. Crazy.

If you want gifts, leave a comment.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Intimacy with the automatic toilet bowl

(enter toilet. take off pants. sit down, toilet bowl warms up. Literally, like a computer HD.)

whooaaoooa.. the seat is warm.

(while making my cake la black forest, I noticed the control panel, which have cute little buttons illustrating the functions.)

hmmm.. this picture has a fountain under a 'w'. (press button) GYAAAAAAAA! HWEe hEEEe ehEhEEeE!

(felt like a deflowered virgin, push stop.)

pant... pant... ok... here's a knob. I think it says water power. (turn knob to left) tee hee hee hee (giggles, turn to right) oOoOo OoOoRRgh, strong, very 'explicit'.

ok. this button has water. (press) hhhooooorgh. it's HOT AIR. eeee. water drops are going everywhere down my anus! running running nin running running nin. (stop).

hmm. and this? (press) oh. washing the toilet bowl... hmm. ass is feeling hot. the toilet seat has fucking heater.

(pull toilet paper out of basic reaction) argh shit I don't need these. (blow nose) hmm. actually I'll sit down again.

repeat x2.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

In case if I still owe you money

Kyo wa Nihon ikimasu! Abunai, Tokyo!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Uncle (ouch) stop rubbing my (ouch) tummy

My dad was drunk yesterday.
It's nothing new, but at least he didn't molest me with more 'do you have a girlfriend in Japan' kind of questions.
He was high because his classmate from La Trobe University came to visit. So that's roughly 30 years of friendship?
His friend lost his right arm in a drunken pirate fight(cancer), so he had this hook thing, which looked pretty cool.
We were having dinner and they were pretty pissed lah. So for the first time, sort of, they were talking about their uni lives.
My dad used to work part time in a morgue and mental institution, taking care of the patients and all. That fucked me up.
No wonder he could raise me while staying sane. Well, almost.
And maybe all the exposure screwed his mind up, and my mind got fucked up in the process of gene tranfer.
And you know how I always tell people my dad's really good at table tennis? That he used to be champion and all?
Well, I was bullshitting. First of all, I can impress my friends with my dad. Secondly, how the hell would you know if I'm lying?
And then my father's friend turned to me and asked: Do you know that your father used to be the University Champion?

Noodles came out from my nose.

It's one of those 'Hmm, maybe I'm God and the whole world just turns into what I want them to be' kind of moment.
It's true, I just realised his 2-inch trophy's always in the living room, right behind my 3 feet trophy. No wonder can't see.
It's amusing at this stage to see how your drunken father behaves. They say the darnest things. Like, 'your mom's trying to hit on that rich guy, but it's ok his wife also not bad'. FOR EXAMPLE LAH! Never said my father said that what.
Mr. Hook also KO'ed. Towards the end he kept hugging me and say: Look at him! He's a teddy bear!
Ok, so maybe he wasn't that drunk.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Go go DVD Ranger!

Had a farewell mamak session with Cucumber.
You know the drill, at some point there'll be some guy approaching you asking if you want pirated CDs/DVDs.

Goldie: Mister, you want some CDs?
Me: No thanks, thank you.
Goldie: Come on lah, it's ok if you don't want to buy. Just take a look only, no pressure one mister.
Me: It's ok, really.
Goldie: Ok, do you want sliced meat* then?
Me: Huh?
Goldie: Sliced meat.
Me: (pretending not to laugh) sss ...izzzt. it's ookekekekay.

Wah. Nowadays pirated DVD mongers also sell sliced meat. WTF? Globalisation I tell you. Now a normal man needs two jobs.
Or maybe 'sliced meat' is a code word for porn? What happens if I really wanted some slice meat then? Hmm.

*Similar to beef jerky. Hokkien we say Ba Gua. 肉干也.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


耗了半个月,终于读完了河合隼雄和吉本芭娜娜合著的《原来如此的对话》。觉得此书不会被译成英文, 所以用英文来写这心得也是脱裤放屁。

其实这本书不能算是个文学作品吧!因为只是记载着一个作家和一个临床心理学家之间的对话。第一次接触吉本是因为初中时看了严浩导演的《我爱厨房》。有陈小春,罗家英演变性人那套。 当初被妈妈拖去看, 因为她认为是部和烹饪有关的电影。哇哈哈哈。


至于河合,第一次对他有深刻的印象是读了《村上春树去找河合隼雄》一书。也是为了村树而买的。 也是记载对话的一本书。所以对河合感到很抱歉。对他的印象只停留在‘和作家对话出书的知名临床心理学家’。惭愧。

对他们两人的对话,我只能说:若没有对现代人生或生活方式深深思考过的话,你读这本书的反应应该会是 吓,什么来的?稍微思考过的读者会发出咦咦咦咦的声音。百思不得其解的人则会发出哦哦哦哦的怪声。我的反应嘛,是咦咦哦哦什么来的。

不过说真的,人生要有经历过一点什么,才能对这本书产生一点共鸣。至少要明白两者对话的主题人物,也就是现代年轻人的背景思想。而且看着他们企图解决自己心中一直以来的疑问的感觉很微妙。 原来自己会想到这些问题不是头脑秀斗或时间太多的关系哦!如此松了一口气的感觉。

但别忘了这始终是日译文学。日本的年轻人和一般年轻人又有一大截的差异。 所以有些部分难免会有‘日本人到底在搞什么’的想法。

如果你是不喜欢动脑筋的类型,看书是为了消遣时间的话, 那这本书是超无聊的。 去看哈里波德之混血王子吧!至少有刺激的接吻情节。

p/s: 超久没用中文书写了。 一口气完成了这一小段心得虽动用了不少真气,但内心也是直喊个‘爽’字。会中文,真好。尤其是生活在连大马人都不会中文的红番国。看得懂这篇post的你, 会否有同感?我们就在这里大骂他们一声蠢材吧?Banana是香蕉。也就是don't know Mandarin。Take crap 是磕大便的意思。 对了,蠢材应该是idiot吧?哈哈,够了。 他们现在应该是在想这王八蛋到底在写些什么?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

10 things we didn't know before this time last year that I cared.

1. One in 10 Europeans is allegedly conceived in an Ikea bed.
2. Lionesses like their males to be deep brunettes.
3. "Restaurant" is the most mis-spelled word in search engines.
4. The name Lego came from two Danish words, "leg godt", meaning "play well". It also means "put together" in Latin.
5. Cyclist Lance Armstrong's heart is almost a third larger than the average man's. (So unfair, of course can be world champion lah!)
6. C3PO and R2D2 do not speak to each other off-camera because the actors don't get on with each other.
7. One in 18 people has a third nipple.
8. Giant Squid eat each other - especially during sex.
9. Pulling your foot out of quicksand takes a force equivalent to that needed to lift a meduim-sized car.
10. Bill Gates does not have an iPod.

You can check the remaining 90 at the BBC website.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Mr. Policeman, there're two guys snickering in front of my bras

Went to Sunway Pyramid today. I know, I know. Going there on a public holiday is suicidal. But think about it: more people = more girls = more beautiful girls. Hey hey.
There's this shop called Wearhouse. They sell these rejected branded clothes really cheap. But they cut of the label.
I won't be surprised if you've never noticed the shop, because there're like 10 rows of bras just in front of the entrance.

Cucumber: How can you have rejected bras? One big one small?
Me: Maybe some people are like that leh.
Both: Hahahahahahah.

Anyway, I bought a Enneth Cole sweater. Wanted to get some Ersace's but not my style. The Hugo Oss shirt reminds me of snake skin. The Alvin Klien jeans looked good. But don't have my size.

When I was paying I was thinking if the shop would give me a Rmani bag with one handle. But no, it was just a normal Wearhouse plastic bag. Cheh. The disappointment.
And I can't believe this would actually happen to me one day.
I couldn't fit into a XL sweater! It's TOO big! Too big I tell you! I had to buy a large! A LARGE!
Somebody call someone!
The thing about these shops is that you'll think other shops are so expensive after shopping in there.
'Wah Cheebai! A CK shirt RM300 ar? Crazy!' Although it's really crazy to buy a RM300 shirt to start with, I think.
Speaking about paranormal activities, while chatting with Sarah I realised that we are on the Melbourne University website.
If you still don't get the catch, Sarah and I are both RMIT students. That means we don't study in Unimelb.
Gyaahahha. You can see us being labeled as 'top students from Australia and around the world' right here.
I look like a North Korean. And those were all my books in the picture. So next time if you see these 'happy studying students' photo, keep in mind that they're all staged. Mmmmeh.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

It's 2006. What you want a cookie?

Inside every silver lining there's always a dark cloud.

Yea, yea. Happy New Year, whatever. Pretend it's something special. I mean, it's not like we can stop 2006 from coming.
We just sit here and wait for an excuse to spend money and celebrate and get pissed. Just because time goes by.
Because the Earth revolves arond the Sun, yay.
It's 8:15am on the first day of 2006 and I'm having a hangover. Yea, yea. Call me a hypocrite. Go find a friend and whine like a baby. Ah wooghie whooghie woo.
To X in Singapore: Happy Fuck Off 2006 to you too. Well I hope you had fun banging your chick in the elevator while texting me with your other hand. Then again, being a Malaysian you might get arrested soon for not speaking Mandarin in a funny accent. You know, like that crap sitcom that's showing on Astro. Funny how everyone's watching it though.
I don't like the figure 2006. It's not as symmetrical as 2005. Because 5 is actually an upside down version of a 2 while 6 is an upside down version of a 9, which doesn't go well with 2.
And everyone should get naked some day. How's that for a new year resolution to everyone hey?
And the picture above? Doesn't mean a thing.
Ok, maybe that's how you feel in the toilet after you ate something really SPICY the night before. Ouch.