Thursday, December 29, 2005

National Treasure IV


I don't know the name of the shop. We just call it 'that fried chicken shop in Pandamaran', somtimes 'Pandamaran friend chicken'.
Pandamaran is well know for its Ah Beng's, Ah Lian's, Young and Dangerous gangfights, motorbikes, dopes, and the fried chicken.
The fried chickens cost RM2 per piece. If you get the wings, they're RM1.70 as they're the sucky part.
Why they're good? Because you get MEAT! How many times have you been to KFC and sink your teeth into their OR chicken to realised it's all greasy white/yellowish fat lumpy chicken fat? Grease drippig down your lips and all.
Yea. PFC doesn't have all that. And their chicken are bigger/cheaper. Oh yea. Their batter is special also. Don't ask me HOW special or what's in it la. If I know, I'm opening up my own store already. A bit salty, a bit crispy like that loh.
Another specialty of PFC is their yo-yo Ice. I don't why they call it 'yo-yo'. I guess it's a Malaysian thing.
Their yo-yo ice are the best yo-yo ice I've ever tried in Malaysia. Check it out. MALAYSIA! So I'm actually saying they're the best in the whole country. What? What? Come verify lah.
You get to choose flavours from red bean, longan, watermelon, sour plum, bo bo cha cha and more.
It's not your Starbucks kind of ice blended drinks. You can actually see the ingredients and all.
And they cost RM1 per glass. RM1.20 if you're taking away. Hey that's actually pasar malam price ok. Fucking awesome.

National Treasure III


This is the most bestest Nasi Lemak in Klang.
It's sold in a coffee shop. It costs RM1.50 per packet. Normally it's sold out in the afternoon and you have to ask for it.
Ok, when I say Nasi Lemak, most of you'd probably imagine those big plate of coconut rice with fried chicken, some fancy papadams and thick slippery sambal you eat in a restaurant for lunch.
EERK! No. Nasi Lemak is traditionally a breakfast dish. It's often packed in newspapers or banana leaves. During the war it's sold early in the morning at roadside stalls so people can exchange informations while eating breakfast. Wait, that's the mooncake story. Sorry I screwed up. Ignore that bit.
Anyhow, the traditional classic Nasi Lemak is probably what you're seeing in the picture. No fried chicken, no juicy meat; just the rice, sambal, egg, ikan bilis (anchovies) and some shrimp.
This is the ultimate Nasi Lemak test. How do you present the best taste using the bare essential ingredients?
You want good fried chicken you go KFC lah! Timun kangkong go market can get fresh ones what, right?
The egg and shrimp I can frankly say don't matter. If you can fuck up hard boiled egg and shrimp you're pretty much in deep trouble.
The rice and ikan bilis are actually quite default: fragrance of the rice mixes well with the saltiness of the ikans. The ikan bilis however, is not hard and crunchy. I hate hard and crunchy ikan bilis that'd stab you in the gums. Ouch.
What matters most, is the sambal. It's not your thick red liquidy 'I can see onions in it' sambal. It's actually quite solid and dry, powderish even. It's a good thing because normally the watery ones will turn sour very fast. And once it's cold it tastes like diar, diher, diea aiya liquid shit.
Plus the taste is 'bursting'. It's the type of spice that'd burst on your tongue. Mix it up with the creamy rice and the ikans' saltiness.
I present you, the perfect Nasi Lemak.

Word of the day: Do you know that 'kangkung' is called 'water convolvulus' in English? Erm, I'll stick with kangkung, thanks. Do you know how I know you're gay? Because the other day you told the waiter: I want some stif friend water convolvulus.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Oei I'm still in here

Once upon a time in Low Yat Plaza:

Granpa Ho: Hey cockroach, I don't feel too well today. My sixth sense tell me that the police might come and spotcheck our pirated store soon. Maybe tomorrow.
Cockroach: Aiya, Ah Gong, I guarantee not tomorrow.
Grandpa Ho: Why leh?
Cockroach: Because Ah Lok called me just now and say the police is coming in half an hour's time mah!
Grandpa Ho: Wah Diu Nia OXXO C%# CH%# B## piece of shit. Hide everything lah! What the fuck you doing here farting shit!?
Cockroach: Oh ya hoh, we sell pirated stuff.
Grandpa Ho: I'm going to call my best friend's son Ah Bu downstairs and inform everyone else. Have to take care of them. YOU! You piece of crap faster cover and lock everything up as soon as possible. OK! F@#%! We meet up half an hour later.
Cockroach: No problem Ah Gong. I'll definitely cover everything and lock them up.

32 minutes later:

Grandpa Ho: Chibai Cockroach.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Welcome back Mr.McDonald

X came back from Sydney yesterday night.
Anyway, we were waiting for our Special Chicken Burger at a Ramli Burger stall next to the Southern Park 7-11.
After waiting and looking at the fat woman frolicking with our burger patties and all, X paid for the burger.
He said: Terima kasih. (thank you)
The woman actually replied: Sama-sama (you're welcome)
X was shocked for some moment before turning to me and said: that's the first time someone actually said 'sama-sama' to me.
I had to agree. We were stunned for the night. Maybe pigs will come flying on the sky or ninjas will go lawn bowling in the afternoon and Australians can finally tell the difference between Lebaneses and Sri Lankans.
For you people out there: Don't simply say 'you're welcome' ok? You'll frighten us for being too polite you know? Scar us for life.
And do you know that while making the fried egg for the Special Chicken Burger, they wipe the remaining egg liquid on the patty?
Ew's. So gross. (picks nose)

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

If I owe you money

I'm off to Penang for a week.

Friday, December 09, 2005

You should've seen the other guy

Doctor what's that on my backawaaneeeeaaamaaa pukeeeeeee!

This is my back. Or should I say what's left of it. Erm. Yea. I joined a new S&M club. It's called Chinese Massage. My father's idea.
My lifestream's been sucked out.
Well it's called 拔罐. (Ba Guan) Apparently there's this round sphere with an opening (guan). The theory is that you use vacuum to suck the 'bad chi' out of your body. Normally they burn the inner side of the 'guan' so that the pressure will change and 'suck' on your body. What the Sinsei did today was, after the 'guan' was stuck on my back, which was quite painful to start with, she DRAGGED the motherfuckin' 'guan'.
Would you believe me if I say it didn't hurt?
The Chinese Sinsei very cool somemore. Throughout the process she spoke only once: Go ahead and cry.
The thing was that I didn't even have the strength to cry. My face expression stayed the same for the whole hour.
Imagine eating a sourplum, and then someone kicked you in your crouch wearing red hot sizzling shoes of steel and left it there.
Yea, that was my expression.

Oh. She said something else: 'Life is pain, young boy'. Fuck that's scarier than any Italian Mafia threat I've heard throughout my life.
How is this good to my health, only my dad will know. Frankly I think it's revenge. This is just bullshit.
He still can't get over the fact that I'm not going to do law.
You can take away my back! You can take away my balls! But you can never take away my FREeEeeEeeEDOM!! Ouch. Cunt.

National Treasure II


Ok. When it comes to BKT, I realised that there's no perfect BKT. Only the one that you're used to.
Some like it thick, some like it thin, some like it in claypot, some like it in bowl. Heck some even enjoy seafood BKT.
WTF I know, but you know la, personal preference.
Some people came all the way from Singapore/KL, eat one bite and say: yerr, ours are more authentic.
It's like an Angmo telling you: the dimsim's in our local Chinese takeaway restaurant is more authentic than your xiu mai's.
We can slice them up and feed their kidneys to our dogs, but it's true. It's all up to their own taste. Nothing we can do.
Yet for me, I'm kind of an old school person. (not really, because the actual old school BKT is in a small bowl)
Ok, so maybe a 'claypot' old school person.
Which means I like the mushrooms, the beancurd, the beancurd skin, and the cabbage, together with the meat.
The soup base is thick and rich. That's good enough for me. Got rice, got fried onions, got yao ja guai. What else can I ask for?
Oklah, maybe it's not THAT great. But I remember waiting for hours just to get a table during weekends.
Now I'm smart: don't eat during weekends loh.
Maybe it's that 'hard to get' feeling that makes me loyal to this place. But it's still good ok? Don't play play.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The fatso with the finger

Federal highway, yesterday.
It wasn't a bad traffic jam, just that it was moving slowly. I was OK with it since I've got my iPod with me.
And then this Satria GTi zoomed past me. On a slow moving road he thought he was some F1 driver.
Not any normal Satria mind you, it was those with modified exhaust pipe that you could barbeque an elephant.
Ok, ok, fine, a baby elephant then.

All the cars were avoiding him, you could hear tires screeching, honks honking, you know, angry drivers.
I'm sure you've experienced the same thing. So I've done what most people would've done under the circumstance: curse that he'd crash to his death.
15 minutes later, I drove past a crash scene.
Cue my line: Fuck me.
It was a Benz (the old solid rectangular E-class) and surprise, surprise, that Satria GTi with modified exhaust pipe.
Well, it wasn't a HUGE crash. Just a small bump.
The Satria driver was an Indian. That's fine. What shits me was that there were a woman and a child in the car.
I was glad my curse didn't come true. But then again, I hoped it came true. The guy should die. No, maybe his wife and child should die so that he'd live and learn his fucking lesson. Moron.
Wasted my curse somemore.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

National Treasure I

Train Station Fishball Noodles. (Under the bridge)

And so it began. My quest to blog about the best food in Klang, according to my taste. (if not yours meh?)

First of all, let me explain that I do not have the address of these shops. Simply because, I don't think it helps.
This noodle shop is owned my high school mate's family. If you think my opinion is biased then check this out: The shop opens at 11am, sold out at 2pm. And the father can afford to choose not to open shop if he doesn't feel like it. Also, if you go up to him and complain about waiting too long, he'll reply:
If you can't wait, don't eat.
So you see, they're pretty big shot. Although I know his son, I've only been to this shop twice in two year's time.
What's so good about their noodles?
For a start, they make their own fishballs. Or shall I say, they take pride in their fishballs. They're fresh and bouncy.
The noodles (which you can choose from kuey teow, mee or mee hoon) are pretty smooth, but I think that's all in debt to the soup base, which hold the secret: pork lard.
Yup, they put pork lard into the soup. You know, the crunchy cube thingy you find in Fried Kuey Teow? That's why the noodles appear smooth and rich.
The chicken? Well, not so nice. That I can do without.
They serve the most expensive fishball noodles in town because they serve the best fishball noodles in town. In Klang, RM4.50 for a large is pretty expensive ok.
I like it becuase they don't try to hard to be like 'Ipoh Sa Hor Fun'. They know they make great fishballs, and they stick to it. Respect.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Quote of the week

'The kids who've earned the most in Hollywood without suing Michael Jackson.' - David Letterman.

Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire has grossed over 200 million dollars.

Update: The movie was utterly crap.
Finished it 85 minutes ago, it's shit.
No thinking required: everything just happens. No explanation, no indication, no mysteries. Nothing.
Had too many characters that the audience can't even emphatize, not to mention symphatize with them.
Yea well, they have special effects. Get the fuck in line.
And out of the sudden, Hogwarts is a 'multi national' wizard school that you see Indians and Asians around.
The only credit I can give is to Ralph Fiennes as 'he who should not be na- oh fuck it Voldemort.
Best acting in the whole bloody movie. And sadly it lasted for only nine and a half minutes. Everyone else should be shot dead.
Go watch this movie now so that I can feel better that the whole world wasted money and I'm not the only fool.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Golden Mountain

Waking up at 7:30 in the morning, I realised I've got jetlag.
It's been raining everyday since I came back. But the rain doesn't bloody wash away the irritating haze.
I hate the construction in front of my house. Stupid buildings, stupid shoplots, stupid traffic. This is my hometown Godamnit.
Now we're turning into Subang, but not quite. It's more like the ugly sister of Subang, consisting shops that're called 'nyam nyam' or 'rainbow' or 'everyday' or 'eat and come'.
Who the FUCK in their right mind will name a restaurant EAT AND COME? That doesn't even sound like a restaurant.
And my mom came in and told me to get off my ass and buy breakfast because she's going line dancing soon.
L-i-n-e D-a-n-c-i-n-g.
I'm sure it's another Singaporean invention to occupy the minds of retired women, so that they could get together and win fights over their husbands and children.
'Remember, when he says it's your fault you have to shout out of your lungs: WHY CAN'T IT BE YOUR FAULT?'
'When he tried to use logic and reasoning, you have to say: I'M RETIRED! I'M DUMB! I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR LOGIC!'
'If everything else fails, just cry.'
Yea, that's my idea of line dancing. Women plotting plots to drive their families crazy while dancing. Just for the fun of it.
The dancing part is all a cover up. A smoke curtain.
Anyway, I drove to one of my favourite Fried Kuey Teow store. Thank heavens it's still there. It's been a year.
I walked in, the women looked at me, blinked, nodded.
Before I can say anything, she told me: Kuey Teow and Mee, small, chili, no clams with fried eggs on top, right?

Shit, after a year she still remembers me, and my usual order. I felt like home, in a 'at least something's still the same' kind of way.
While I was eating my KT, she came over with a small plate: Nah, here's an extra shrimp for you. And she left.
The shrimp was smaller than a baby's baby finger, but I guess that's her way of saying 'welcome back'.
On a rainy friday morning, I felt warm. No, I'm not touched; I was drinking Kopi. Uuurgh Kopi! So good!

Real people

Lyn: You're paying me after this right?
Me: Yes, just keep smiling.

In case you're wondering if I've got friends that aren't Japanese. Now you happy? Huh? Huh? Huh?
No, I did not pay a stranger to take photos with me. I even know her name! We met at dance class, ha!
And she's been living in Australia for quite some time now. NOT JAPANESE. She does engineering. NOT JAPANESE.
Now stop asking me questions. It's as annoying as you making fun of my name. Not funny anymore. Oh ha ha ha.
Hope your job's going fine, Lyn. Thanks for the upload.

Battle Royale II

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HANABISHI. 187 King Street 03-9670 1167.

Sorry for all the split personality review of Klang/Melbourne. I was too busy packing and shit that I didn't get to post these.
Some have said that Hanabishi is the best Jap restaurant in town yet some others might prefer Shoya.
But no one can deny the fact that these two restaurants are the top two in Melbourne, if not the CBD.
Hanabishi is more expensive than Shoya I must say.
I ordered the UnaJu and soft shell crab while Sher ordered the seafood trout Nabe(snicker). We shared the sushi entree.
While the unagi gets a H2A from me, the sushi and soft shell crab definitely achieved first class honours.
I tried a bit of the soup broth from the Nabe. The sweetness is just fine. And the pot looks great, don't you agree?
Yet after all that, I don't think they justify the steep prices. Expect to pay $30 for a dish, depending on the serving size.
I have to say Shoya has a better presentation. But then again, I'm always a sucker to pretty facades.
Hanabishi is more like a small little corner of authenticity while Shoya is an upmarket westernized space.
Anyway, they're both expensive. Give them a try if you must. Most of the customers there are Asians. Could be good or bad, depends on how you see it.
Oh, and the waitresses serve you wearing Kimonos. Not pretty though, don't get your hopes up. Haha.
The verdict? My inner child leans a bit towards Shoya.

What? Never seen a reversing car before ah?

Have you ever encounter this: while queuing up for the TouchN'Go toll, the car in front you just realised he/she has no TouchN'Go card and had to reverse, making the whole line reversing as well?
Erm. Well. The same thing happened to me today.
No. Not the car in front of me. I WAS the reversing car. Ok, I can explain. Please stop shaking your head.
Well. I was driving to KL today, and I needed the TouchN'Go card. My mom searched high and low for it upon giving it to me.
I was in a hurry, while I was dashing out I heard my mom shouting: CHARGE! I thought, woah, isn't she in the mood.
So there I was speeding towards the toll booth.
While I touched the card to the machine thingy, the indicator says: $0.10 KURANG (insufficient)

My mom didn't say 'charge'; she said 'recharge'.
I can feel my chin touching my balls in the car.
So yea. That was my experience of being a reversing TouchN'Go car. I have to admit it was pretty fun as no one knows me anyway. It's not like they're going to remember me one day in the streets shouting: Hey! You're that guy who didn't have a card!
And if you think that was the end of my story, you're wrong! After knowing that there wasn't any credit in card, I decided to stop by the building next to the toll to recharge the card.
I queued up, paid, took the card, got into the car, and turn on the ignition. The car went creek. creek. cree-eek. aak.
The battery was dead. Yup. In the middle of nowehere, next to the toll, the car went dead on me. And it started to rain.
Luckily after 10 minutes of desperation and cursing and farting, the car managed to start. At that point I was too chicken to drive.
Called my dad, made a big U-turn and went all the way back to Klang to get the batteries replaced.
Yet by the time I was on the highway again, it was already peak hour. This is just the way we jam we jam~
Luckily I just made it in time for dinner in KL. A very eventful yet unconstructive day of suspense.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Battle Royale

SHOYA. 25 Market Lane 03-9650 0848.

Ok. Whatever you've heard of Shoya, it's true. It's next to Flower Drum. It serves great Japanese food. It's expensive.
BUT! But! The lunch set is definitely worth it.
Well there's 3 types of lunch set:
The normal ones are like teriyaki chicken, teriyaki beef, yakitori that kind of stuff, which cost under $20.
The 'slow' lunch sets cost around $20 - $25. Most of them are seafood on rice. Seafood = Sashimi.
The special ones cost above $30. I didn't pay attention because it was obviously off my budget. $30 for lunch? Pfft.
So yup, I ordered the teriyaki beef set, which comes with miso soup, rice and cold tofu(the one above the rice).
The beef was perfect. As you can see it's not some thin beef slice crap, they're steak cubes. Very tender, very soft.
Lina ordered the Sashimi rice set. She gets udon noodles, cold tofu, some tamago egg thingy, and check out the amount of sashimi on rice. That's like a main serving on the dinner menu.
My teriyaki beef cost $18.80. Her sashimi set? Only $21.80. Great value I must say. She was so full towards the end.
I've only had dinner there twice and both time they were special occasions. Meaning: Expensive la!
But I don't mind going there for lunch for casual reasons. Conclusion: add lunch at Shoya on your to do list.

Tiger balls.

Went to Tesco to shop for soaps and stuff. Dad pointed out this punk rock fruit and asked me if I've tried them.
I raised my eyebrows, meaning: I thought it's alive.
I looked up at the tag and it says: Dragon Fruit.
Well, the inside reminds me of Kiwi, just that it's white instead of green. And the skin is tough and red. Well.
The texture is exactly like Kiwi. Just that it's not sour at all. It's like seedy watery texture of coconut.
So now we can call the Red Indians who act like white people Dragon Fruit! You know, like how we call Chinese white trash as bananas: Bloody Dragon Fruits, think they're so good.
Now I'm really back home. Home is having slow connection. I'm riding a bicycle on the information highway.
More updates soon. This two thumbnails took me half an hour to load. Oh, here's another photo of normal fruits:

Mangosteens, rambutans and fuji apple. Yeah! No more Eurest crappy fruits. Or any kind of crappy fruits.