Thursday, July 28, 2005

Torn apart

I said bend over.

The moment I got out of my box, I saw my owner, and I knew then my life is not going to be easy. My twin said: oh my god you gotta be shitting me. We're so fucked.
He's huge. I'd sell my sole to the devil just to get a new owner. Instead I got penetrated by his right foot.
I'm a size 11. His foot's a size 11. The problem is, his foot is fat. Lots of unwanted flesh. I felt sorry for him while he's strugglling to stuff his foot into my throat.
Kinda reminds me of an inexperienced guy putting on a condom if you know what I mean(nudge nudge).
He looks mighty unfit to buy a pair of running shoes. As fugly (fat+ugly) as he can be, he looks determined.
We've heard a lot from the factory. Humans want to be fit is because of a) they want to be fit and attract the opposite sex. or b) they just got dumped by the opposite sex.
My twin and I couldn't believe he'd actually had a girlfriend, so we agreed on reason a. More plausible.
He's quite rough. Trying to rip us apart every chance available. No other shoe would survive his brutality.
But we are different. We're built to endure his tortures. Call us the Nike Free Trainer 5.0. That's our last name.
Our first names would be 308822041.
We work all of his 29 muscles 26 bones and 37 joints. Our function is to mimic his barefoot motion.
And I think he didn't read the instruction well, as it said: walk for 5 weeks in the shoes, do not intend to do heavy training.
That stupid fatso ran with us.
Caused some serious twitching, facial cramps and urination on body. But that's cool. Nothing we've never heard of.
He's getting better though. Seem mighty proud that he could finish a whole lap of 3km after 3 tries. Last time we heard he could even play basketball after the run.
You say poor him. I say poor us. But that's our job anyway. Getting abused, stepped on, touched, tied, penetrated, twisted into different positions etc.
As long as they pay, we don't care.