Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Study of major events in life.

There are two things you do when big things happen in your life. You either keep it in, or let it out. What I can't figure out, is which events we choose to hide or go public. In this case, I'm afraid I might just be mentally ill.

When I lost my job last year, I had no intentions of hiding it. In fact, I posted my experience on Facebook and informed everyone I met. Some people are worried that I'm taking it too positively and I might shoot myself in the face with a shotgun.

3 months ago, I started seeing Chika seriously. And I tried my best to camouflage the situation. Not until I realised I can no longer deny this relationship or explain my absence to people I see constantly, I started opening up. And even with this blog post, it's a reflection piece rather than a blatant post with a title such as 'The death of my dry spell as they call it'.

The explanation I can come up with for my 'Yay jobless, boo relationship' mentality, is that getting laid off is a concrete fact and there is nothing I can do to change it. Being in a relationship, on the other hand, is just two people's opinion. For me, it has always been embarrassing to put a brand on something that it is not.

The second possibility, is that getting in a relationship seems so cliche, so bland, so expected of everyone that I don't really feel proud of it. Getting retrenched, however, is a life changing event that everyone's heard of, but not necessarily know how to deal with it. My elaborated post was merely just to show off that I for one, can cope with extremely circumstances. Getting into a relationship? Not that much of an extreme situation.

And the last and most pessimistic theory of all, is that losing my job gave me a sense of freedom. Suddenly I could take a step back and reevaluate my life and not stuck to a demanding job with the only reward of thinking 'at least I'm being paid to be creative'. Getting into a relationship, however, will cost me freedom. Maybe my extrovert or introvert response to news is directly related to my positive or negative emotion.

Then again, it could be all of the above.